<![CDATA[Positive Young Minds - BLOG]]>Thu, 22 Jan 2026 22:08:07 +1100Weebly<![CDATA[Spotlight On Performance Anxiety In Schools]]>Thu, 13 Jun 2024 02:31:41 GMThttps://www.positiveyoungminds.com.au/creating-connection/spotlight-on-performance-anxiety-in-schoolsTest anxiety at school is common. However, most markings and assessments are conducted privately.  No one else except the examiner can see what you are writing on your English essay. And they do it that away from prying eyes.

In contrast, some activities, and subjects involve public assessment: class presentations, hands-on tasks such as cooking and art, or a stage performance.  Furthermore, in performing arts and class presentations the spotlight can be on just one person.

If we judge school success by how often students find their spark and confidently explore their talents, the demands of the spotlight create a complex layer. For students contemplating undertaking subjects in which they are publicly reviewed, such as in the performing arts, they can be caught in the juxtaposition of choosing to do a subject that they love, but also one that can bring overwhelming stress due to the potential for social judgement. 

This article shares the viewpoint of one student in relation to music performance anxiety.  It also makes some suggestions for you on how to manage the ongoing parental battle of how hard you 'should' push to help your child find and develop their spark.
 Choosing subjects at school is fraught for students with weighing their interests, what is needed to follow career pathways, and the extent of student insight into their own capacity and capability. 
boy with head in one hand and touching piano with the other. He looks tired and stressed. the piano is closed.

A Student's Personal Experience with VCE Music

The following student’s experience, which they shared as part of the 1000 Voices Project, highlights the challenges that taking up a performing arts subject can create.  To achieve in this subject you have to battle with one of the most common fears children have at school - performing in front of others and being judged on that performance.
Completing VCE music and all the performance components was incredibly stressful for me. A combination of class performances (with peer and teacher comments afterwards) and performance evenings had me feeling like I wasn’t good enough and brought on anxiety attacks.

So incredibly grateful for my wonderful mother, teacher, and classmates for their unending support in pushing me to try my best and feel proud about my accomplishments.
three female students, each playing a different musical instrument

The impact of music performance expectations

Whilst some students revel in the attention that being in the spotlight provides, using their adrenalin from their stress response like rocket fuel, for others the excess energy is not as easily garnered. 

Self-Screening. And then some students have self-screened early on in their school years.  They may have loved performing at primary school where expectations tend to be age realistic. However, they don’t choose music as a subject, although they are talented, because when they compare themselves to others they judge themselves lacking. It’s safer to choose a maths or a science subject that are looked on more favourably by higher education and non-Arts focused peers.

Demanding School Expectations. Whereas the school anxiety above is a result of judgement, another source of anxiety and stress in music programs for exceptionally talented students can come from school expectations. If you are a high performer public performance is expected, often many public performances, which can take away from the joy of playing/singing, and make it harder to find time for other subjects and interests.

When School Finishes - What Comes Next?
Some students having found their spark will run with it after school and keep performing, find work in the industry or go on to further studies.  For some, the interest disappears.  Either personal or public expectations during their school years result in extinguishing the spark.  Lack of community opportunities can mean there is no pathway to continue pursuing their musical interests once they leave high school.
It’s safer to choose a maths or a science subject that are looked on more favourably by higher education and non-Arts focused peers.
young boy holding a sparkler signifying they have found their spark. set against a night sky.

What can schools do to reduce the impact of performance anxiety

Schools can and do provide accommodation for students with chronic anxiety such as performing only in front of their assessor and not their peers, needing to produce fewer performance pieces, more time, and/or breaks. However, the performance itself remains challenging.

And it leaves questions

Is it enough?

Can we do better?

What support is provided for students undertaking VCE music to manage performance anxiety?  
When would be the best time at school to recognise and support students to manage their performance anxiety?

Some schools insist on public speaking throughout every year of school and normalise the stress this creates. Still, it’s relatively easy for students to be ‘sick’ on these days, or battle through without growing from the experience. 

Experience needs appropriate scaffolding and support for it to be favourable, not traumatic. 

A key strategy identified in research into post-secondary music study is giving students the opportunity to write down their stressful and anxious thoughts and feelings, this may or may not be appropriate given the age and mental health status of the student. 

Journalling, or written expression of an inner world, is a wonderful therapeutic strategy.  However, if this is a new strategy for students, care needs to be taken.  And any type of intervention for a student with chronic anxiety needs to be conducted under supervision of of school or independent mental health professsionals.
Experience needs appropriate scaffolding and support for it to be favourable, not traumatic. 
young student with headscarf standing up in front of the class showing minimal signs of anxiety

How you can help your child manage Performance Anxiety and explore their spark

One of the many questions parents struggle with is how do I know when to encourage/keep pushing my child to do something they don’t want to do, but I know they like it/are good at it?

It’s a great question. And you will not always get it right. (I can testify to this with three children and 1,000s of clients).

Push too hard and the child may start hating the activity.
Don’t push enough and they can miss out on opportunities to find their spark.

Below are three strategies that can help. but first, check in with where your child is at along the NEON pathway. 

Tick off the four steps:
Noticing -  Can my child identify and name their feeling as anxiety?
Empathy - Do they feel heard and understood?
Ownership - Do they accept that this feeling is a part of them, and that's OK?
Navigating - have their needs been met so that they are open enough to participate in a strategy for working out the problem?

When these four steps are ticked off, this helps your child access the rational part of the brain, what I call their Calm Dynamic Mind.  In this space they can move from 'I don't want to do it' to "this is what is making it hard for me to do it'.

Whenever you are working through the ‘to push or not to push’ question and come up against resistance, go back to the NEON pathway to make sure your child is feeling heard.  Check in, validate and normalise the feelings and thoughts that are coming up.

(If you get stuck here and don't seem to be making progress, I'm here to help.)
male student thinking about the choices they are making

1. The magic wish question.

The magic wish question allows your child to come up with a response that is close to what they would really like to do, but may not be able to envisage due to the fog of anxiety.

To give it a go it's as simple as saying - If I could wave my magic wand and take away all the worry about trying out for the school play/choosing music as a subject/ standing for school council etc…. Would you like to do it?

Depending on their age, you could make or draw a magic wand, use a prop as a wand, even put a fairy crown on their head!  You are accessing their imagination...and even older children can get a kick out of this approach.

A "no" might mean they’ve lost interest, or have decided they don’t like it. 
At this point checking in as to why they don’t like it is important.  If it’s because it just seems too hard they may doubt their ability to improve and not know how to cope with this uncertainty - yet another way anxiety is the gift that keeps on giving. 
The picture of a gold magic wand on a purple background. Representign the power of making a wish.

2. Investigate the worries

Grab a large piece of paper.  Brainstorm all the possible stress points related to doing the thing.  Ask your child to rate how large each stress point is.  Look at the biggest ones.  Decide if these are points that can be supported/modified/scaffolded, or ones that need a stress management tool. Make the changes required or upskill your child accordingly so that these stress points become small rocks rather than big boulders.

If the rocks are just too big, this is an indication to seek some professional help. It's Ok not to be able to sort it out yourself.  If School Anxiety is ongoing support is important.
give pebble rocks of various sizes on a still pool of blue water.

3. Remind your child why they want to so this thing.

Is this something your child wants to do, not just something you want them to do.  If all the impetus is coming from you, you have a lower chance of your child being willing to tolerate the discomfort that doing 'the thing' creates.

For example,  if the magic wish question had revealed that your child would love to learn how to play the piano if they didn't have to do so much practice, revisit why they wanted to learn to play in the first place. Help them see the link between practice and enjoyment. Connecting and strengthening what you value about an activity is a key to motivation to overcome discomfort.
Connecting and strengthening what you value about an activity is a key to motivation to overcome discomfort.
young boy with a big smile sitting in front of an open piano, showing pure joy.

In summary....

Any of the above strategies by themselves can help you learn more about the nature of your child's stress and anxiety, and identify the barriers between them and their spark.  You may be able to work through some of these barriers through the NEON pathway, or through support, collection of facts, problem solving, and/or acceptance and distress tolerance.

Take yourself back and reflect on the student who shared their story and spoke of the 'unending support', and the push they received from the adults in their life, so that they could try their best and be proud of their achievements in doing a subject in an area that they loved.

It's not an easy journey.  In lots of ways school stress and anxiety can be truly horrific. Support, understanding and encouragement to pursue their spark matters.

Chat soon


Kim


I am dedicated to supporting you and your child in the their school years so they can find their spark and experience school success.  You  are welcome to contact me through a phone call - 0408533515, or book an appointment directly.
]]><![CDATA[​How To Make This Christmas Simply Awesome]]>Mon, 30 Oct 2023 02:47:57 GMThttps://www.positiveyoungminds.com.au/creating-connection/how-to-make-this-christmas-simply-awesomeDoes the thought of Christmas make you break out in a sweat? Does the sight of mince pies and Advent calendars in the shops start your mind racing even when Christmas is over two months away? It’s hard trying to juggle work, being a mum, and Christmas preparations and Christmas overwhelm and anxiety is real. But, there are three things that you can do to create an awesome Christmas and reduce your stress:
  • Start with deciding the one thing you must include in your Christmas season.
  • Secondly, intentionally create and deepen your connection with yourself, others, the world around you, and the transcendental.
  • And lastly, but not least(y) maintain your self-care. Don't scoff. Self-care fatigue may be real, but there are simple ways to include self-care as part of your life and practice self-care at Christmas. 
family at the table wearing reindeer earsindeer ears on. they are giving presents from under the christmas tree
​Christmas is part of the year's rhythm, like Spring, birthdays, and the start of the school year. In Spring you start to swap your winter clothes out for lighter dresses and pack your heavier coats away (although not too far away if you live in Melbourne where our seasons tend to ignore their order on the calendar). At the end of the school year, there is space for reflecting on the achievements of the year, celebrating them with concerts, displays of artwork, and reports that provide a potted summary of the blood, sweat, and tears.

And before Christmas you plan, you shop, you get swept into the rhythm of what always happens at Christmas. You may work hard to recreate the magic of your childhood Christmas, or you may work hard to ensure your family experiences the joy you never did. You want to spend quality time with your loved ones, choose the right gifts, make people happy, and create wonderful memories.

Some years it works. And other years there are tears, exhaustion, disappointment, and arguments. The drive to make this ‘the most magical time of the year’ can take its toll, and in the pressure to do everything for everyone, your needs, and your rights, can get lost.

It doesn’t have to be like this.
  The drive to make this ‘the most magical time of the year’ can take its toll, and in the pressure to do everything for everyone, your needs, and your rights, can get lost."
Why does Christmas stress you out?
If you’re like me you want to enjoy Christmas and help your kids enjoy it. You want to create opportunities to sit with awe, see smiles and laughter, gather people together, and celebrate hope. But it’s easy for the joy to be sucked out of Christmas.

How does this happen?  Why is Christmas bad for your mental health?
  • The cost. It’s easy to get carried away with buying gifts, special foods, going out, Christmas pajamas, etc. 
  • Crowded shops. Sensory overload anyone? Noise, movement, smells.
  • Comparing yourself with others.
  • Competing demands. Trying to be at two places at once on Christmas Day.
  • Waiting.....
  • The clash of values. Celebrating a religious holiday with secular friends and family. To say Grace or not to say Grace.
  • The weight of decision-making can be enormous. why, how, what, when, where, who, how much, which one…..
  • Gifts. Working out the gifts, and the expectations of giving great gifts the recipient will love. 
  • Food. Too much, expensive, time consuming, what to do with leftovers, will you have enough.
  • Time demands that seem to squeeze your useful self-care strategies off your to-do list. Especially if your self-care practices are not integrated or routine. 
  • Waste and rampant consumerism.
  • Arguments over decorations including who is going to put the star at the top of the Christmas Tree
  • In Australia, the culmination of the school year is just before Christmas, therefore there are lots of competing demands.
  • The build-up of expectations, often unrealistic expectations.
   Some of the highlights of playing Christmas Bingo. Gingerbread house won't stand up. No-one wants a Santa photo.  Someone ate my Advent calendar chocolates. Forgetting where you hid a present. Car Park Rage."
Christmas is particularly difficult if you have mental health difficulties, are struggling with the cost of living, or if you are consistently putting other's people's wishes ahead of your own. If you’re grieving, alone, or experienced a recent family separation, maybe this year is a particularly difficult one.

Maybe it’s time to stop doing what you’ve always done and start exploring new ways of doing things that work for everyone in the family, including you.
Christmas Bingo listing some of the things that can go wrong at Christmas time. car park road rage, gingerbread house won't stand up, forgetting where you hid presents, having to work on Christmas Day, no-one wants a Santa photo, arguments over who puts the star on top of the tree, eating all the chocolates in the advent calendar at once, allergy to fresh Christmas tree, present is faulty
Sticking to what you have always done makes sense. Until it doesn’t.
The familiar is predictable and removes some of the burden of decision-making. Following the same pattern as last year can make planning easier and perhaps reduce some anxiety. However, does the pattern you follow include procrastinating, microplanning, or leaving it all to someone else to decide? Does the way you usually celebrate Christmas bring you overwhelm and exhaustion or joy?

The simplest and calmest Christmases are where you don’t stick to tradition mindlessly but combine what is most meaningful from the past with your current needs and wants.
​
There is power in reflecting. I invite you to take a pause now. Step back from trying to keep up with social media and the pressure to present a perfect Christmas image. Look at the expectations you are trying to live up to so that you can reduce your overwhelm and choose how you want this Christmas to be.
  The simplest and calmest Christmases are where you don’t stick to tradition mindlessly but combine what is most meaningful from the past with your current needs and wants.

How to Cope with Christmas Stress

As a mother, you already have enough on your plate.  You tend to carry the majority of the day-to-day mental workload. Christmas can tip you into overwhelm, even if you normally cope OK. If you do have anxiety or another mental health condition you are more prone to feeling the weight of Christmas stress.

To achieve calmness and manage your Christmas stress, let’s first look at some of the signs of Christmas stress, then dive into the three main ways of reducing your stress and making a simply awesome Christmas.

15 signs of  Christmas stress 
  • Waves of overwhelm
  • Racing heartbeat, sweaty palms, headaches, stomach aches, sore muscles, and eyes that are wide open.
  • Unable to get away from all the thoughts and feelings about Christmas.
  • Feeling your heart lurch and noticing your mind starting to think about all the things you need to do when you walk into the shop and see the mince pies and Advent calendars
  • Waking up in the middle of the night.
  • Avoid wanting to think about or prepare for Christmas.
  • Leaving it all to someone else.
  • Micromanaging with unmanageable lists to check off.
stressed woman with head in hands looking at a Christmas gift
  • Becoming stressed if you can’t find the perfect gift, can’t do everything on the list, or people don’t want to do what is on your list.
  • Replaying past arguments and disagreements and feeling angry or helpless.
  • Continually being in problem-solving mode.
  • Imagining being sick at Christmas time so you don’t have to go anywhere or do anything.
  • Saying things like “I'll just put it on the credit card and worry about it next year’, “or “I know it is more than what I want to pay, but they’re going to love it’.
  • Putting your hand up for too many things – "I’ll host it. Don’t worry you don’t need to bring anything, I'll sort it out.
  • Overcommitting to expensive gifts, food and drink to keep people happy or to make a good impression. Agreeing to drive to two different places on Christmas Day with young children so you can keep both sides of the family happy.
  • Feeling guilty because you can't do enough or you've let someone down. 

​You may swing from avoidance to control, as your thoughts and feelings take up more of your mental space and lead you to old habits that have not served you well in the past.  Let's get started on what you can do to create a different, calmer, more enjoyable and awesome experience this Christmas.  
"  By reducing demands and expectations, looking after yourself, taking the time to reflect, and mindfully being present, you are well on your way to creating an awesome Christmas that works for you and your family."
​What to do to reduce Christmas Stress
Simplifying as much as possible is a great place to start.  You can simplify gift giving, decorations, celebrations and expectations.  Following are 6 steps to simplify Christmas expectations. 
​
1. Awareness.
Take 10-20 minutes and connect with what you feel and what you think about all these expectations that you have created or bought into. What are the thoughts and feelings that come up when you think about Christmas? Find something to write in and listen to what you are saying to yourself. It may look something like this
  • “I’m feeling guilty because I don’t want to make my pudding this year, but I know everyone loves it and I should”.
  • I’m feeling sad. I keep thinking how much I miss my mum and wish she was here’
  • I’m feeling overwhelmed. There’s so much to do and I don’t know where I’m going to fit it in.
  • I’m feeling angry. I don’t want to go to x/s house on Christmas Day. We always do and it’s not fair. I want to stay at y own home all day and let the kids play.
  • "I'm feeling confused. I don't know how to keep everyone from not fighting on Christmas Day and I just wish it was all over.
  • "I don't know where to start”.

Note:: If getting in touch with your feelings is difficult there can be a few reasons why that is happening.   You can come back to exploring your feelings in the future either with your GP, or mental health therapist, or if this is something you would like help with you are welcome to contact me for an appointment.

2. Reflection.
Once you’ve named and acknowledged your thoughts and feelings it’s time to reflect on what they might be trying to tell you about what is important to you at Christmas. 

Here are some simple guiding reflection questions.
  • What are your best memories of Christmas's past?
  • What would you have liked to have done last year that you didn’t get to do? What got in the way of that happening?
  • Is there something different/special coming up this year that you are looking forward to?
  • What was stressful?
  • What would you like to change?
  • What  is the most important thing about the Christmas season for you? Include everything in the  lead up to Christmas Day and the days after?
a red coffee cup with black coffee in it and a grey-green writing journal tide up with a leather string ready for writing down the one most important thing to make a Simply awesome Christmas
​3. Communication.
After you have listed what you want and your ideal Christmas, ask everyone else in your house, and/or those you know you want to celebrate Christmas with how they would answer the same questions. It's important to listen with curiosity and openness.  

4. Analysis
Compare the lists. Circle what there is in common, and those that are doable. Can you identify what matters most to everyone? Any surprises? How do you feel about what they said? It can be enlightening to realise that you don't always know what other people are thinking and that what you perceive isn't always true. Is it time to manage expectations – we’re not going to Disneyland. Sometimes it’s helpful to prompt, why do you want to go to Disneyland – oh, you’d like to get as far away as possible from all the drama that happened last year….

Don't forget - you're after an enjoyable, awesome Christmas, not one you've got through with gritted teeth, and can't wait until Boxing Day when it's all over.
​ When you strip back your expectations and focus on what really matters it invites calm into your life.
5. Simplify. 
It's decision time. After the brainstorming, now it’s time to make some selections that you think will work best for the people who matter most – you and your family. Depending on the age of your children and who else is involved in your Christmas planning this will look a little different. You could have a family meeting or a family group chat, or perhaps the main parts of the day are decided by one or two people. The important part is that everyone's needs (including yours) are respected. The aim is for everyone to have one non-negotiable thing they will do/have/experience at Christmas.  Everything else is a bonus. 

6. Do.
The next step in the plan is to put it in place and monitor it as you go. Mark the things that matter on your Calendar and in your diary. Be prepared to be flexible whilst keeping in mind the things that have the greatest priority. Hold your sights firmly on your North Star and hold this plan lightly in your heart. Remember what matters most.

In the past our non-negotiable items in my family have been: Christmas light looking, celebrating Christmas with all the extended family, spending Christmas Day with partner, Midnight Mass, sausage rolls at Christmas lunch, It can be amazing when you strip it right back what the thing is people most remember and care about. Celebrating with others is usually comes up as a priority, although some years having space and time to oneself on the day takes priority, particularly for members who become easily overwhelmed.

When you strip back your expectations and focus on what really matters it invites calm into your life.  If you like to listen to podcasts, here is an episode where I talk about creating Christmas calm through managing expectations. ​
three Christmas gifts simply wrapped in linen and tied with twine

​How to create awesome connections at Christmas

Mental health and well-being are strongly linked to how connected you feel to those around you. The centre of this is yourself. Following are suggestions for strengthening connections in each of the four layers of connection: connection with yourself, connecting with your family and friends, connecting with the natural world, and connecting with the transcendental.

1. Connecting with yourself.
The work you’ve just done on identifying what makes Christmas awesome for YOU, and being honest with yourself about your thoughts and feelings around Christmas was a great way of connecting with yourself.

Three other ways to connect with yourself are:
  • Checking in with yourself everyday and respecting your needs. You can do this through activities such as journalling or body scans. 
  • Creating space for calmness through practicing mindful awareness of the small things
  • Stop judging yourself.  Too often we speak to ourselves with the voice of the harshest critic.  It's time to bring the cheer leaders out. Sure life is messy, Christmas can be chaotic.  All thoughts and feelings are valid and welcome.  You are doing the best you can with your resources, your circumstances and your strengths.
  • Maintaining your self-care routine (more on this later in this article).  

(Note: You may have found this an easy thing to do, but there may have been unexpected things that have popped up. If these reflections increased your stress or anxiety please check in with your GP, or counsellor or contact me for an appointment to help you work through it.)

2. Connecting with friends and family.
Some of the ways to connect with friends and family include: How being with others will vary each Christmas as needs change due to factors such as new relationships, divorce and separation, illnesses, work commitments, and capacity.

Beyond your immediate circle of friends and family, there are several ways to connect with the broader community. These can include:
  • Participating in Christmas Carols.
  • Attending church services.
  • Contributing to food drives.
  • Attending Christmas festival.s
  • Buying from local markets.
  • Participating in neighbourhood get-togethers.

Or on a smaller scale:
  • Making and/or writing Christmas Cards (one of my favourites).
  • Giving homemade Christmas gifts to neighbours (I also really like doing this).
  • Simply saying Merry Christmas.

Instead of the stress of juggling too many commitments at Christmas, other's find themselves feeling alone. If you’re by yourself at Christmas, there are other options to achieve this sense of connection and reduce loneliness.
Picture
​3. Connection with the natural world.
Ways to connect with the natural world include:
  • Embracing sustainability through simplification. For what you eat, buy, and decorate on the day. Including minimising waste when you do a pre-Christmas cull.
  • Deliberately planning a visit to the natural world. For one Christmas my family stopped on the way home at the beach for a quick walk and it was delightful. This has encouraged me to plan on including some time at a natural place during the day.
  • Take a walk together after a Christmas meal
  • Sit in the garden to eat
  • Decorate a living tree.

4. Connection with transcendence.
Ways to connect with the space beyond which you can see include:
  • Attending Christmas services
  • Prayer
  • Practicing gratitude
  • Reflection
  • Being Mindful
  • Meditation
  • Noticing the beauty in the ordinary
Maybe for you, your awesome moment comes in the lull of Christmas Eve when your children are asleep (finally) presents are wrapped, and you take yourself outside and stare up at the sky. Nowadays I’m asleep early Christmas Eve and the children are up. It's in the quiet of Christmas morning where I stand outside or sit with a coffee and take time just to be.
   Maybe your awesome moment comes in the lull of Christmas Eve when your children are asleep (finally) presents are wrapped, and you take yourself outside and stare up at the sky.
Picture

​How to Keep Up Your Self-Care at Christmas

Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It's an act of self-love.
Christmas demands can challenge your existing self-care routines, whilst also providing some unique opportunities for enhancement. All the stressors outlined earlier can undermine existing self-care routines, especially if they are newly established. And Christmas also effects the routine and habits of others around you.  You may find you're down a walking buddy, that Christmas treats are suddenly in your eyeline everytime you go shopping, that your loved ones are feeling broke or isolated. It's a shifting milieu.

This is where fierce self-care becomes important, especially if you are prone to Christmas stress and anxiety. Self-care is so much more than bubble baths and treating yourself. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It's an act of self-love.  It encompasses everything you do to maintain and enhance your ability to function well in your day-to-day life and these actions are often talked about as healthy habits. Here's a quick overview of the five foundations of self-care.

The five foundations of self-care:
  • Physical self-care: taking care of your body.  This includes exercise/movement, nutrition/diet, sleep, and regular medical check ups.  
  • Psychological self-care: taking care of your mind. This includes setting boundaries, cultivating healthy thinking, managing stress, challenging yourself, learning new things.  
  • Emotional self-care: managing your feelings.  This includes awareness and acceptance of emotions, resilience, finding joy, respecting and accepting self, 
  • Connection: developing relationships with family, friends, others and community that minimise loneliness.  Connecting with nature and the transcendent world.   
  • Meaning: finding the meaning in your life and reflecting your values in your actions.​
woman walking carefree across a wooden bridge over parklands Picture
Mindfulness practices heighten your senses, and intensity your experiences, and are a gateway to awe.
​Three questions to ask yourself repeatedly over Christmas
1. Is this what I need most? To avoid Christmas burnout, check in with your needs before saying yes. Does that social engagement provide connection opportunities that you are needing?  Or do you have enough and need a break? 
2. Will this help fill my self-care bucket or poke another hole in it? Running it past the five foundations list is a good rule of thumb.  Even better if it's an activity that ticks more than one of the five foundations.  Walking is great for this.   
3. Is this something I know helps me? Remind yourself of the benefits of your normal routine, of your why.  Prioritise the things you know work: keep walking, eating your veggies, journalling, meditating, talking with friends, doing your yoga, etc.

Opportunities to cultivate awe through mindfulness
Lean into mindfulness, which just happens to be one of the most powerful forms of self-care and takes very little time, because it is about the how of what you do, not the what. Mindfulness practices heighten your senses, and intensity your experiences, and are a gateway to awe. At Christmas mindful opportunities abound, including:

  • Thinking about the stories behind the Christmas decorations as you dress the tree or your house
  • Using cloth to wrap your gift and noticing the textures
  • Thinking about the recipient as you wrap your gift
  • Listening to carols and focusing on just one instrument
  • Listening to your loved ones needs
  • Putting your phone away and being fully present at the Christmas Performance
  • Including everyone on creating a family Spotified Christmas list
  • and many more...

A quick reminder in any situation is to use your senses to bring you back to the moment of what is actually happening.  

How simplifying, reducing expectations and prioritising activities; practicing connection and engaging in fierce self-care work together to help you make a simply awesome Christmas.
  • Deliberately and intentionally reflecting on your needs.  This reinforces understanding and respect of self.
  • Choosing your Christmas priority.  This taps into the self-care foundation of living your life's meaning, protects your energy and reduce decision making.
  • Saying no and setting boundaries reduces the cognitive stress of incongruence and overwhelm and is a form of cognitive self-care.. 
  • Christmas is a time when reaching out to others, even those you don't know that well, is encouraged. Saying Merry Christmas, smiling, waving, and engaging in microconnections of strangers is accepted and welcomed. What a wonderful way to boost your sense of belonging. 
  • Practicing gratitude, forgiveness, and self-compassion. These are all facets of emotional self-care.
  • Organising to catch up with others at a park, the beach or going for a walk.  (Walking ticks off all the self-care boxes!) can reduce costs, whilst helping you sleep, provide connection with nature and make it easy to practice mindfulness.

By reducing demands and expectations, looking after yourself, taking the time to reflect, and mindfully being present, you are well on your way to creating an awesome Christmas that works for you and your family. Along the way you may face some difficult challenges in letting things go, saying no, setting boundaries, maintaining self-care, and getting through the season.

​If you would like support with any of this I am happy to help. Positive Young Minds is open up until the 22nd of December and then closed for Christmas Week.
   By reducing demands and expectations, looking after yourself, taking the time to reflect, and mindfully being present, you are well on your way to creating an awesome Christmas that works for you and your family."
​For over 17 years, I have combined research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents to help them understand and manage big emotions and create calmer homes.  Homes where big feelings are understood, needs are met so that Christmas can be celebrated, not dreaded.

You are welcome to book an appointment to discuss your concerns and your goals and work with me to make the change you are looking for.

Chat soon

​Kim 

PS. If you enjoyed this blog, then come over and join the Sprinkles of Wisdom for Wonderful Women Newsletter Club. You'll receive regular letters from me where I share insights, inspiration, reflections, support and do-able strategies on how you can create and integrate more calm, connection and confidence into your life without running away to Bali.

A reminder this blog is for general information and advice only. It is not designed to replace therapy in any way. For some people Christmas is not just stressful, it is also traumatic. The above advice is not meant to address Christmas trauma. If you are experiencing trauma, overwhelming Christmas anxiety, depression, or any other mental health concern please see your GP, or your mental health therapist, or see if you think I may be a good fit for you .
]]><![CDATA[Discover the Joy of Walking with the Fun of Walking Bingo]]>Thu, 19 Oct 2023 17:45:56 GMThttps://www.positiveyoungminds.com.au/creating-connection/discover-the-joy-of-walking-with-the-fun-of-walking-bingoWalking can see like the world's dullest form of activity.  You know it's good for you, just like eating vegetables, brushing your teeth and making your bed.  I get it, I'm not a runner, or bushwalker, or in anyway athletic. Which leaves walking by the process of elimination. 

And yes you can walk to improve mental health and boost mood, but the challenge remains about how to make walking more engaging so that you want to keep doing it. A sustainable habit needs to be practical, doable and yes inherently motivating - ie enjoyable. Knowing that for me it meant I needed to be able to walk out the door, not drive to a spot and walk, I explored various ways of making the everyday route I walk something I looked forward to. 

And I'm going to tell you why, because the key components of walking and creating a habit are to do with enjoying the process, right?
How to enjoy walking
So many people will say, oh, I know I should walk, or, I haven't got time for walk or walking is so boring, and I get it. Life can be super chaotic, and it takes time to walk. The difference between going for a five K run and going for a five K walk is quite significant. Mind you, the last time I went for a five K run, it probably took me about as long as a 5K walk. I'm not a natural runner, so I stick to the walking, but it's like I have to walk for like an hour a day. 
I mean, I haven't got an hour in the day. I don't want to walk for an hour in the day. It's boring. 

So, we break it up. 

I don't walk an hour at a time. I walk roughly an hour all up, but it's spaced, right? 
You don't have to do it all at once. 

If you are looking for fun ways to make walking more interesting, change it up a little.

The Walking is Awesome bingo card is for you. There are some things that make doing this bingo card a little bit different. Yes, there are elements of counting steps and measuring length of time, but also some strategies that you might think, why would I be doing that?
Some of them are little and they're based on, yes, movement, but there is a strong emphasis on connection. There's suggestions about playing with and managing your discomfort and anxiety. And there's quite a few mindful walking exercises, including connecting with your thoughts, feelings and experiences and connecting with your environment, connecting with your neighbourhood, connecting with yourself. 

So, let's look more closely at a couple of the things.
Start with 4000 steps.
I'm going to firstly talk through what's there. There's 25 different squares with a range of suggestions, and you can choose to do a square a day. You might do a couple of squares on a day over different walks. There might be some gaps between gaps, whichever. There's no timeline on this. So, the first one, walk 4,000 steps. 4,000 tends to be around half an hour, depending on how quickly you walk. It might take a bit longer; it might take you less time. And it's a real like first base. So, for me, my morning walk is roughly 4,000 steps, and then I'll do some more later. 

Try walking alone. 
So that's the next one on the card, walking by yourself. 

For some people that's all they do. Walk by themselves. For others they walk with a partner or walk the kids to school, or they walk with other people. Because walking by yourself can be a significant anxiety hurdle to overcome. You may feel less safe walking by yourself. Notice, I don't put a time limit or a step limit around this. Whatever you can do. If you haven't walked by yourself before and that's a big obstacle, start by walking to the letter box. Or walk around the block, walk somewhere that feels quite safe for you to walk. 

I don't mean walk in an isolated place. I do not recommend doing that. 

How to connect with your environment
Take a photo of something red, which is square number three. This is a practice of tuning into your environment, connecting with what's around you and narrowing your focus to one thing. Once you start thinking about something, you will see it everywhere. This phenomenon, known as the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon, or selective attention bias, occurs when you start to become more aware of something you hadn’t noticed before. 

I'm curious, when you make the decision to look for red, what you notice that you haven't noticed before. You know whether you are noticing all these red things around you or not. So have a play with that. See what happens.

How to practice gratitude when walking
Think about what you're grateful for. Hmm. We're tapping into gratitude, right? So, gratitude is one of the things associated with leading a more fulfilling, happier life. You don't, we talk about gratitude journals and that's wonderful. They're there, you can use them, but you can also just think it. So, while you are walking, you are getting a, a double value. You know? So not only getting your physical exercise: you are practicing your mental health skills.

You may choose to focus on one thing you're grateful for and think quite deeply about that. It might be a person or an experience or an ability that you have, or you might choose to go through a list. A quick tip here is to be as specific as possible. We can be grateful for being alive, but that kind of covers a lot, doesn't it? what within that are you specifically grateful for? Are you grateful for being able to be awake when the sun rises? And to take the time to observe the process of this going on? Are you grateful that you are wearing a scarf that someone knitted you because it's cold outside? And this is keeping your neck on?

Are you grateful that your body can move you freely without pain? Or are you grateful that you can still move with pain? Make it as specific to you as possible. 
How to be outrageous on a walk
And the last one on this line is wear something outrageous and you're like, okay, so we're tapping into anxiety. Here we are tapping into a social fear that people are going to look at you and they're going to think you're ridiculous. A, for walking; B for walking by yourself; C for I'm too old to be doing this, or I'm too unfit or I'm too whatever. So, if you are experiencing social phobia, if you are experiencing fear of judgment, this might be a box you are not going to tick. Taking your anxiety for a walk is difficult.  I get it, it's something I support clients with on a regular basis.

I encourage you though, to think about that outrageousness as a personal challenge. And for you, outrageousness might be wearing two different types of socks or shoes. I've done that before. Come back from a walk, looked at my feet, realized I was wearing a right sneaker from one pair of shoes and a left sneaker from another. Mm-Hmm.

Outrageous. Outrageous without intentionally being outrageous. Think about what your outrageous outrageousness could be. On another line I've got wear a hat. It can be any sort of hat. Okay, so I don't know what I'm going to wear yet for something outrageous. Approach this task with a sense of fun, This homage of wearing something outrageous is not about tipping you into extreme social discomfort, but encouraging a bit of prodding and challenging inherent fear of social judgement.

I don't expect you to walk out there in a bikini, if you're not comfortable with that, however,  I'm curious about where you'd like to take it and what you'd like to do it. But, if you're saying, no, that's just really weird. I'm not doing that, that's okay, the beauty about Bingo is you only need to complete one line. ​
Picture
Other creative ways to make walking more enjoyable
Taking a selfie in front of a tree, or walk with a family member may or may not be challenging. Walk five days in a row. Doesn't matter for how long or how far. practice journaling after walking. What comes up? 

Walking gives you the opportunity to breathe, to pause, to make space in your day.  We know that regular movement helps with clarity and productivity. And if you can, have a break every so often for physical health benefits. Try moving after 30 minutes of sitting still. Five minutes of movement and then we can come back and refocus, which you can try.

Everyone's a little bit different.  I encourage you to experiment about when that peak break for you is going to be. Taking a break not only means you move your body, but you need breaks to help you clear your mind and provide space for dynamic calm, giving yourself the opportunity to reset your physiology and kickstart creativity and clarity. 

I'll frequently make notes - dictate to myself when I'm walking because the rhythm and the movement and all of a sudden ideas rush in, thoughts rush in. It's like, oh, here we go. Because it's what your mind likes to do. It likes to just sit there and cogitate in the background. And then where there's some space and clarity it goes, oh, I can answer all those questions. Now I've got some ideas for now. How about you do this? And you're like, Oh, I'm walking. I have no pen or paper! So, the phone comes in very handy. 

So, a couple more. Not going through the whole 25 of them, if you're interested, download it. Have a look, do the challenge. 

Encourage creativity by letting your mind wonder. This naturally leads into doing the journaling, in that we are not actively problem solving. We're not actively being grateful. We're not actively doing anything but giving over into our mind.

If doing this causes you distress due to an underlying mental health condition, well then don't, okay? Get some help. Speak to your psychologist, make an appointment. Do whatever is going to help you, but perhaps don't choose that one. 

What’s best to wear walking shoes or sneakers?
I've got my walking shoes. And I'll tell you why. I've walked for many years. I've had some lulls and then I've come back to it. And walking without a doubt is a necessary baseline for my mental and physical health. Without it, I ache. I ache both in my joints and I ache in my heart. It's necessary for me to walk. And I usually just wear sneakers. The ones that fit me best, they're the ones that have helped my knees. They're so comfortable. The problem with sneakers is you wear through them quickly and they get wet.

And walking in wet feet, if you can avoid it, is something I really recommend. So, I decided I would bite the bullet and buy some proper light walking shoes and be water or the shower proof. So, if I step in puddle, I don't automatically get soaking wet. If it's showering raining a bit, I don't get wet at all. And I have a thicker tread. So, they're lasting me a long time and they're giving me more grip. 

The other day I almost fell down the back step because I slipped on a mat. After I slipped, I realized I was wearing sneakers, and my old sneakers didn't have the tread. And I've become so used to the tread. So, it's a safety thing. If you have the resources, look at investing in some walking shoes; my walking shoes were cheaper than my sneakers. 

So that gives you a little bit of an overview of the Walking is Awesome Bingo card. If you're up for a challenge download it. Do something different. Put a bit pep in your step. That's what we are doing. 

We are moving, walking from boring to awesome. And it is a vehicle whereby you can practice almost any mental health strategy you can think of. 

It can help combat loneliness, it can help combat anxiety, it can help combat ah, clarity. It can help you with clarity of thinking, reduce the overwhelm that happens, okay?. And you know what I'm going to do after I finish this? I'm going for a walk because I'm due for one.

If you've downloaded your Bingo Card and are ready for more, or would like to start with some individual support I'm happy to help.

(Note: This blog was first released as a podcast if you'd prefer to listen.)
]]><![CDATA[How to begin taking your anxiety for a walk]]>Wed, 21 Jun 2023 21:03:32 GMThttps://www.positiveyoungminds.com.au/creating-connection/how-to-take-your-anxiety-for-a-walkHave you been told you "really should" walk, but you can't seem to make it happen?

What stops you from walking?

It's normal to feel hesitant or unsure about starting something new.

In this article I share strategies to help you get out the door and what to do when you're feeling uncomfortable or feeling anxious about what lies beyond your front door.. 

 How to reduce anxiety about walking and get out the door. 

You can become comfortable with walking and develop a strong habit, but be patient with yourself.  

If this is difficult for you, it can take time to feel this comfort.  

Below you will find some tips to first help you get comfortable enough to walk and then ways you can play with  discomfort on your walk.

But first chose the simplest walk to get started on.

I have this normal, routine walk in the morning that I think I could actually walk with my eyes closed, even stopping subconsciously before crossing the road, because I have done this walk literally thousands of times.  My brain knows where we are going, so it's really comfortable with this route. It's like, yep, I've got this, I know what we're doing. This frees me up to do other things whilst walking, like chat on the phone, listen to podcasts, practice mindfulness, let my mind wonder and dip into creativity.  It's amazing what you can do on a walk once you get out the door.
You can become comfortable with walking and develop a strong habit, but be patient with yourself.  

Six tips to prepare to walk

There are certain things you can do to prepare for walking to reduce your anxiety and increase your level of comfort and safety. 

1. Check the weather.  Look at the weather and the weather app.  If it's pouring rain, but it's going to stop shortly and you can wait, wait.  If this is your only chance to walk, walk, with your raincoat and your most waterproof shoes, accepting that you may need to change when you come home. If it's freezing cold, you could have a hot shower first to warm yourself up, or put your fleecy pants on. 
2. Check out your walking route.  One reason I walk the path I do is because, touch wood, although there's frequently people walking dogs, there's normally no unleashed dogs. I feel safe there. it's lit, it's populated.
3. Choose a time that works for you.  If you like walking with lots of people time your walk for a popular walking time. School drop off and pick up time can work, or earlier when people are walking their dogs.  If you don't like walking where there are lots of people, avoid those times.  It will take a little trial and error to find the best time.
4. Be sensible.  Don't walk paths that are isolated and screened from the public if you are walking by yourself.  Don't walk in the dark.  I knew someone who would go running in the dark because that was their preference, I prefer the light and stay aware of potential hazards.
5. Be flexible. If it's dark, wait till it's light, or do your walk before it's dark. So the time you walk can vary as the seasons change.
6. Walking by yourself is the most flexible and convenient way to consolidate a daily habit, but if that is too much, tee up to walk with a friend/neighbour.

Next, I list a few obstacles that may be getting in your way, and some strategies for becoming more comfortable with walking. 
two women waking together smiling. they are both wearing cardigans and jeans

Potential Obstacles your Mind provides to Walking 

Social Anxiety - what if I see people I know and they want to talk to me? I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I don't know what to say. I just want to be left alone. 

Generalised Anxiety - Where should I walk? When should I walk? What if I meet a dog? What if I fall over? What if someone comes to visit and I'm not at home? What if someone attacks me? What if my feet hurt? What if I get too hot, too cold, too wet, too sweaty? What if.....?
 
Energy levels - I dont have the spoons to talk or interact with anyone today. I can either choose to use my energy to shower and get dressed 'properly', or I can walk. And if I walk without showering or putting on a bra, I don't want anyone to see me.
 
Self-Image - what will people think of me? People will judge me. I've put on weight. I'm injured and can't walk how I usually walk - I look stupid. I have a disability and look different from other people and people will stare at me. I have daggy clothes and everyone in my neighbourhood is wearing name brand exercise clothes.
 
Identity - I'm not someone who usually does exercise, if I go for a walk people will wonder what on earth I am doing.
 
Depression - If I walk, I have to walk by myself and people will think I don't have any friends. It's boring and pointless.  I'll never be (fit/skinny) enough. 
 
Can you recognise yourself in any of these?
​
Your mental health, your mindset, the way you talk to yourself, your physical fitness and the way you see yourself, are some of the real challenges that people face when wanting to walk.  I address all these challenges and more when helping clients create and sustain a walking habit, but in this blog let's drill down a little into anxiety and being uncomfortable.
Woman walking with a white huski dog on grasslands

 What to do when you're feeling uncomfortable

Notice what you are experiencing, thinking and feeling.

​Now this sounds simple, but it does require practice, especially when you're not feeling stressed.  Practicing awareness is the key. 

​Here's an example of how I did this the other day.

I turned right instead of left at the end of my street.  

When my mind realised this and flagged that something was different, I noticed my inside lurched. And this little voice said, 'hmm, what are you doing? What are you doing? This isn't what we know, this isn't safe.'  When I noticed this I sat back and observed,

Wow, that's interesting. I'm noticing a lurching in my body. I'm noticing a resistance in my brain. This is the physicality of the emotion, know as interoception, You can feel it. It's a physicality of anxiety 'Are you sure? Are we gonna be okay? What, what if, what if?'  My practice on my walk is to listen to that and notice it and keep going.

Sometimes changing direction isn't your choice. The way I normally walk is actually blocked off by construction at the moment. Meaning I needed to change my route.  When I first observed this, the voices started up, 'oh, can't do that. Can't go there. Where else can we go? Will this way be okay?'.  I observed my mind chattering away to me.  I then tuned in to the part of me that observes what is going on and that sounded a bit like this, 'hmm, I notice you're sounding quite anxious there. It's okay. We've got this.'
I then tuned in to the part of me that observes what is going on and that sounded a bit like this, 'hmm, I notice you're sounding quite anxious there. It's okay. We've got this.'
Managing your discomfort, anxiety or any difficult emotion is a process -  Sitting with anxiety, tuning into it, identifying the sensation. That's how to treat your emotions. Tune into them, experience them. Experience them and keep going. 

There's a caveat here on the keeping going.  If you have identified a definite threat, rabid dog, swooping magpie, threatening individual, cross the road, turn around and go home. Very, very, very, very rarely happens that I do that. But if you are reacting to change or social anxiety and there's no physical harm involved, the process is to keep walking, tune into it, work through it.

 Three ways to use walking to practice tolerating discomfort and anxiety

Once you're feeling comfortable about the idea of walking, have chosen your route and done it a few times, you can play with testing your comfort levels.  You can provoke your anxiety and use your walking time to practice managing discomfort and anxiety using mindfulness.  

Here are three ways to do this:
1. choose to walk a different way, eg turn left instead of right.
2.choose to wear uncomfortable clothing.  This can range from putting on an ankle sock and a knee sock, putting up with a scratchy label, not wearing a rain coat.
3. choose to walk on the other side of the street. 

As you're doing this tune into your experiences.
woman wearing a blue raincoat on an autumn path in the park

What if you can't walk out the door?

For many people just getting out the door is really difficult.  The prolonged experience of COVID lockdowns exacerbated this already anxious feeling for many and created it afresh in others.

I can work with you wherever you are.

​Together we develop a graduated exposure program with appropriately scaffold steps, that can take you to the point where you are out the door and engaging in a walk that is meaningful to you.  

Regardless of your level of anxious and discomfort: whether it stops you from walking altogether, whether you're a little anxious, but you can recognize that and manage it, or whether you would like to play with using walking as a vehicle (no pun intended) for managing discomfort or anxiety, I can work with you.

If anxiety is something you struggle with and it gets in the way of walking, book a consultation and I can work with you to help you with your walking journey. If you prefer to learn on your own time, the Walking is Awesome online self-paced program is opening soon.​​
]]><![CDATA[Awareness is the Key]]>Sat, 18 Mar 2023 22:17:31 GMThttps://www.positiveyoungminds.com.au/creating-connection/awareness-is-the-keyLearning how to pay attention to your thoughts, feelings and experiences in a mindful non judgemental way, may be the key to all the changes you wish to make.

How do you move from overwhelm to calm?

It can feel so daunting.

All the steps, the time and energy involved.  It's all just too much.

Yes, there are many steps.
Yes, any change requires time and energy, discipline and commitment.

And yes, the thought of all these things is often enough to stop you from doing anything.

But,
what if you were to focus on mastering just one skill?

Whether you want to reduce overwhelm, increase your health, increase calm, improve your confidence, deepen connections, or create more sustainable work habits, it all starts with this one thing.
The power of paying attention.

If paying attention is so powerful, why don't we do it?
If you're like me, (and everyone else!), you probably do things that take you away from paying attention. 

Things like binge watching, gaming, reading, gambling, drinking, scrolling, eating.

You engage in avoidance behaviour because it's safe, it offers comfort, it's easy. Binge watching or playing Candy Crush feel great. That chocolate, mmmmm; the thrill of winning; the pleasure of escaping into fantasy.  

These activities give you short hits of dopamine, they balance your central  nervous system.  

And this can be extremely useful. Especially in the short term.

Because life is stressful.  Feelings are hard.  People are tricky.  Managing competing demands is demanding.

There's reasons why you are drawn to fun, simple, easy.

And any behaviour that takes you away from what you are feeling, thinking, experiencing can be helpful. After dipping into the soothing and relaxing you can return to the demanding feeling refreshed. Well that's the plan.

But what happens when you spend too much time in the safe bubble?
a dalmation dog surrounded by bubbles, representing what happens when you get stuck in a bubble
What happens when you spend too much time in the safe bubble?
Too much time in the safe bubble also means - forgetting to do things, not remembering where you've put something, or how you got somewhere.  It means not hearing your children, stressing about last minute deadlines, losing track of the day and turning down opportunites., 

For most people, learning to pay attention, to reconnect is worth it, because among the downsides to NOT paying attention are numbness, disconnection, denial, and a small life.

Increasing awareness helps you reconnect with your inner wisdom, your values, create a more meaningful life, improve your memory, sleep better, improve communication and relationships, appreciate the beauty in the ordinary.  

It's a powerful key.

There are two points that need to be balanced in opening up to awareness
  1. Increasing your awareness can be difficult and painful. There's a reason why you've been engaging in avoidant behaviour.  The thoughts, feelings and experiences you are avoiding tend to be creating stress or pain and feel overwhelming. Being asked to close your eyes, lie down, focus on your breath or any other awareness activity can trigger a cascade of overwhelming experiences. That's why it's so important that before diving into any mindfulness based program engage someone experienced who can act as a guide.
  2. Increasing awareness can be the key you are looking for to unlock your life.

Here's a small, gentle, enjoyable mindful task to start with.
Savouring.

This means to suck all the goodness you can from a micro experience (not the official definition by the way).  
To live the moment.

Choose something you love and practice giving it your full attention. 

Have yourself a tiny little experience. 
The first bite of something. 
Your morning coffee.
A flower.
The wind.
A piece of music. 

1. Do just this one thing. 
2. Use your senses to fully experience this moment. 

You can record it in a journal or keep it as a visual memory. 

Introducing a new habit is tricky.  One reminder to engage in savouring, is if you feel the urge to take a photo of something, put down your phone (or camera), savour it first.

I'd love to know what you choose to savour.

For over 17 years, I have combined research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents to help other women like you to integrate mindfulness and confidently prioritise self-care in their busy lives. You are invited to book an appointment to discuss your concerns so that I can support you to make the changes that matter to you. 

Chat soon

Kim xx
PS You can find out more about this topic in my Awareness is the Key YouTube Video  or access the audio to Paying Attention is the Key to Change Creating Connection Podcast episode.  

PPS. If you enjoyed this blog, then come over and join the Sprinkles of Wisdom for Wonderful Women Newsletter Club. You'll receive regular letters from me where I share insights, inspiration, reflections, support and do-able strategies on how you can create and integrate more calm, connection and confidence into your life without running away to Bali.

A reminder this blog is for general information and advice only. It is not designed to replace therapy in any way. If you are experiencing any mental health concern please see your GP, or your mental health therapist, or see if you think I may be a good fit for you.
]]><![CDATA[What is self-care fatigue and the benefits of mindful integrated self-care.]]>Mon, 06 Mar 2023 04:16:02 GMThttps://www.positiveyoungminds.com.au/creating-connection/what-is-self-care-fatigue-and-the-benefits-of-mindful-integrated-self-careSelf-care fatigue describes the exhaustion and guilt you feel when you can't fit self-care into your day or your budget. 

Going out for lunch, getting your nails done or a massage, even going for a walk. When all you want to do at the end of the day is to put your feet up and watch TV

Sometimes it is all just so far out of reach.

And the pressure to do it is yet another burden adding to the daily overwhelm.

The good news is that self-care doesn't have to be something else you fit into your day.

Mindful, integrated self-care is available to everyone, because self-care is not just about what you do, but how you do it.  It's not just about taking chunks out of your life, but making self-care integral to your life. 
What is mindful integrated self-care?

Mindful, integrated self-care encompasses:
  • how you listen
  • what you say
  • how you manage your thoughts and feelings
  • what you pay attention to
  • how you choose to parent, work, live  

It's active and fierce, because to do it you need to:
  • showing yourself compassion
  • seeing the beauty in the ordinary
  • say no to others expectations
  • move away from judgement and towards understanding and acceptance
  • simplify your life so that if reflects what matters most to you.

It can be challenging.  And while there are some things we know can improve our mental and physical health if we do them, it's never just about adding something to your to do list.  

It's about doing what you can to prioritise your mental and physical health

Here's a practical example.

Let's take sleep.

I go through up and down waves with my sleep. I'll have days when I'm awake between 3.30-4am, then my sleep pattern will reset.  

Sleep is super important for health and an integral part of self-care.  
I have a choice in how I manage my erratic sleep patterns.  I can stress over the fact that I am going through sleep deficit, knowing that that is 'not great self-care'.

Or I can accept that this is happening.
  • I can accept at this happens to many women my age.
  • I can give my self self-compassion and adjust my daily activity schedule to reflect less available energy, conserving it for the most important elements of my life.  
  • I can check off my sleep preparation strategies and maybe increase some such as more exercise earlier in the day or less screen time (acceptance doesn't equal lack of action).

This process of acceptance, of self-compassion, of awareness of energy and capacity is ​all self-care. 

What do you think?  Do you experience self-care fatigue?  Would you like more information on mindful integrated self-care?  

Pop a comment in below or drop me an email.

For over 17 years, I have combined research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents to help other women like you integrate mindfulness and prioritise self-care in  their busy lives. 

You are welcome to schedule a private session to stop stuffing self-care down the bottom of your to do list and switch to a more sustainable approach. 

Chat soon

Kim

ps I do have resources you can access:

The Self-Care Hub which caters for mental health professionals and mums (or if you're like me, both).
And the Creating Connection: Move, Eat, Sleep, Connect Podcast (100 episodes).

​A reminder this blog is for general information and advice only. It is not designed to replace therapy in any way. If you are experiencing any mental health concern please see your GP, or your mental health therapist.
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