As a parent, supervising your children to 'get their homework done', particularly if they are a reluctant learner, can be a huge stress in the household.

Teachers set homework and the responsibility for monitoring it, and providing appropriate consequences/support if homework is neglected by the student, lies with them. Also many children, particularly in primary school are overburdened by homework. Taking all this into account my stance has been one of hands off. It is the school and teacher's problem and responsibility, not the parents.

However, experience has shown me that taking a hands off approach tends to result in little effective, response from schools and teachers; students falling behind; and the lack of creation of an appropriate work ethic. Note, that I am referring to Grades 5-6 up.

So, what to do? I always say that everything begins with acceptance...so accept that you are going to need to oversee and help coordinate homework.

Develop your own rhythm depending on your child. Some children who are competent self-starters will need minimal, if any, supervision. Other children will need a consistent routine whereby homework is done in a similar environment each night.

This can be created through making a consistent time, having environmental cues such as starting homework music, laying the table with a homework cloth, setting a timer. And through behavioural chaining - which is linking activities together in a sequence. Eg. 20 minutes outside play, snack, homework, 20 minutes on a game.

What type of homework is beneficial? Well that's a whole other article. But in young children reading - read to them and with them.

Any questions on homework? Ask below or email me. Like to book a parent consultation to talk about this in more depth simple email youngminds.psychology@gmail.com or call me on 0408533515.

Kim

Together building calm, confident and connected children.

Are you looking to create a positive family meal time?
 
Creating a mealtime ritual is one way to help a family bond and bank some family social capital.  
 
But like many things it sounds simple but can prove so challenging.  How does your mealtime look?  Depending on the ages and stages of your family I am guessing dinner may be anywhere between 5pm and 8pm (or even later) and may be done in split shifts.  One of my biggest challenges is that I tend to spread everything over the dining table throughout the day……  And then it's deciding what to cook that most people will eat....
 
Here are 10 things that may help you create a more positive family meal time.  Take what suits you and your family and leave the rest.

1. Clear and set the table.  Maybe even a candle, a floor, good crockery and cutlery (because seriously what are you saving it for?)
2. Everyone who is home to come and sit at the table. The YouTube live video, homework, group chat, etc can wait.
3. Make the dining room table device free.  Maybe having some background music or a show on (but not the news (or program where there may be breaking news) in the background which gives the family something to talk about or focus on instead of each other.
4. Serve something fresh, that looks (actually is) a vegetable, to remind us that all our food originally comes from the ground and nature.
5. Take a few deep breaths before sitting down, and if your children are still at the age where they think whatever you say is wonderful, encourage them to take a few breaths when they sit down at the table as well.
6. Give thanks for the food, for the ones who prepared it, harvested it, toiled the earth to give you nourishment.
7. Eat mindfully.  Savour, taste, smell, experience the food, enjoy.
8. Those who are the table give thanks for something that happened today.  It’s ok to start sharing something crappy if that reflects the day, but follow it up with something to be grateful for.  Gratitude is intertwined with happiness.
9. Everyone help clear and do the dishes (but if you want the one/s who prepared the meal to have an extra rest, that’s OK too).
10. Rest afterwards.  Take a moment after eating before rushing back to that YouTube live, homework, group chat, etc…

 
This is practical mindfulness.  Remember,  you don’t need to do it all.  

Choose one and see how it goes.  
 
For other tips and strategies on incorporating practical mindfulness, follow Positive Young Minds and Positive Psychology for Life.  Want to dive deeper into practical wellbeing?  Have a look at our supported online program at https://www.positiveyoungminds.com.au/getting-started-with-self-care.html.

This weeks school success tip is to do with improving communication.

Communication is one of the secrets to school success. Communicating with your child, their teachers and other school professionals is all important.

One of the tricky situations is when your child comes home and tells you about something that happened at school. Now you weren't there... and therefore you really don't know what happened. So what do you do? 

Depending on the situation you may want to go full on Mumma Bear, but before you do have a look at the success tip.

Firstly, check in with yourself.  If you have really strong feelings about what is being reported to you I wonder why.  Maybe a similar thing happened to you at school, maybe it's happened to your child before, or maybe you are just very surprised.  It's important to sit and digest those feelings before responding by sending off an angry email, gossiping about it in the car park or using your crystal ball and imagining the worst possible scenario.

Secondly, put all this in the context of how your child normally responds to situations.  Do they tend to see the worst or best in a situation?  Are they a sensitive child or rarely show emotion?  Do they have confidence or experience anxiety?  Whatever they are reporting is through the lens of their emotions and personality.

Thirdly, take some time to gather all the facts you can, or as best your child can remember.
Doing all of this is all important preparation for approaching the school and/or teacher.

ps. If being part of a group that focuses on helping children achieve school success interests you, you are welcome to join us at http://bit.ly/secretsofschoolsuccess.

Do you like school holidays?  Can you take the time to reconnect these holidays?  

​Depending on your family they can be a blessing or a curse. A chance to slow down the weekly grind or routine, or a be source of stress as children out of their routine don't know what do with their unstructured time.  

Whilst we work on creating a school success schedule, how much work do we put into making school holidays a success?

It is also common for issues such as too much screen time to arise; as well as pressures to organise and clean the house and catch up on everything you didn't get to during the term (I hope that's not just me!),

Just a quick hint - try for some out of the house time each day. Have a look at what your local council, youth group, State parks and libraries have on. You may be surprised at their breadth of activities - particularly for primary school aged children.

A quick walk in your nearest park, a trip on a bus or train somewhere, visiting friends or a picnic in the backyard.

Try and make the time to plant your feet on sand, grass or soil. Try and make time to reconnect with your children and your world.

Do you have time for self-care?   This is something parents and other busy people can struggle with - for an example of one of my typical days see The reality of self-care and parenting.  

​STEP 1.  Make a list of all the things you WANT to do for yourself. These are your desires for self-care.  See if you have something from each of the below categories.
 
❤️PHYSICAL SELF CARE: Exercise/movement, Nutrition/diet, Sleep, regular medical check ups.  
❤️PSYCHOLOGICAL SELF CARE: boundaries, healthy thinking, managing stress, challenging yourself, learning new things.  
❤️EMOTIONAL SELF CARE: awareness and acceptance of emotions, resilience, finding joy, respecting and accepting self.  
❤️CONNECTIONS: developing relationships with family, friends, others and community that minimise loneliness.  Connecting with nature.   
❤️MEANING: finding the meaning in your life.
 
STEP 2.   Look at the list.  If you did these things would it help you be more rested, calmer, fit, happier?  If not, what else is needed.  Add that to your list.
 
STEP 3.  Sort the items in order of importance

What are the nine things to include in a school success schedule.  And why does your child, especially if they are just starting school, need a schedule?  They don't have any homework to do....

​Following on from talking about uniforms and managing anxiety about starting school, this article looks at the importance of having a schedule.   

Why create a School Success Schedule? 
​One main reason - predictability.

Going through this process helps everyone in the family, particularly your child, know what to expect.  This predictability will help with easing the stress associated with starting a new School Year.

When your child starts school for the first time, (or even for the 10th time) there is a shift in routine.  From holiday rhythm to school structure.  This is a huge change and can be a source of stress for parents and children.  

There are also a huge  number of questions that need answers.  Who is doing drop offs, pick ups?  What time do we need to get up, go to bed?  When do we prepare lunches?  What activities are scheduled for after school?  Is that too much, too little?  Reading? Bath or shower in the morning or at night?  How much time people have in the morning really varies. Does your child naturally wake early or late?  Is there a commute to school?  Do they have a bus to catch?  

Does your child have meltdowns over school uniforms?  In my last blog I talked about some ways of helping reducing any anxiety your child may have about starting either school for the first time, or changing schools.  Today is about the uniform.  

This is often a contentious issue for children and adolescents I have seen over the years.  Uniforms by virtue of their name are meant to be an equalising factor in the school equation (see what I did there.. a maths reference..).  They are also an important part of the branding for many schools.  

​But as we know not all children fit the one size fits all uniform.  There are many reasons for this - sensory sensitivities is a major factor.  It includes things like - this tie is strangling me, my jumper/pants are itchy, and I hate the feel of school shoes. 

These issues can result in arguments between parents and children and students and their teachers.  However, just a few simple tips can help avoid some of the frustrations that often arise with uniforms.

1. If your child has sensory sensitivities, it is a great idea to have them get used to wearing their school uniform, including the shoes and hat.  If doing this doesn't work, it's time to sit down and negotiate some modifications with the school.

2. Where ever possible see if you can source second hand uniforms - much better for your finances and the environment. And often these are good to help with sensory sensitivities because they are softer.

3. Check what is compulsory and what isn't. Does your child want/need a variation?
Are girls allowed to wear 'shorts'? This is a common one that pops up. If it's not on the list, but is something your child wants to do - this is one worth a call with the school and possibly worth taking a stand on.

Is your child anxious about starting school?

​I remember when my eldest child started school. They were was so excited.  I was anxious... Will they like it, what will their teacher be like, how can I help, do I stay in the classroom?  The questions were endless.  We had done some orientation but it was still a bit scarey.  Together we negotiated the year.  They had a wonderful teacher.  She was strict, but clear, with us newbie parents and we felt a part of the class. 

If you're feeling some of my first day at school nerves, have a think about your first day at a new job, or walking into a new group of people.  What helps - some knowledge, preparation, confidence, a friendly smile - these will help your child too.  Drop them off confidently with a big smile, your confidence will transfer to your child (then meet up with the other Prep parents to express your concerns and try and find answers to your questions). 

Knowledge
Share with your child what you know about the school, their teacher, the classroom,  go over the information you received at orientation.

Preparation

• Help your child to become familiar with the setting, routines and activities they will participate in at school. 
• These include activities such as spending time at the school when there are no students there. 
• Give your child a map of the school and go there on weekends, holidays or after school hours so that they can develop a mental visual map of their surrounds.  
• Depending on the school their playground may be available for public use.  If so, let them play in the playground and become familiar with the school.  Be aware if there are particular areas of the school they must and must not play in.  Use this knowledge to determine where you allow them to play in the playground.
• A few weeks before the start of school eating snack and lunch at the same time they will be eating them at school, from the same container.  Make sure you are familiar with rules around food, including ‘nude’ food, whether or not nuts are allowed, how long they have to eat etc.  Let them practice using their lunchbox - and check for things like whether or not they can open it.
• Allow them to wear their uniform, including shoes to get used to the different feeling.

Confidence

• If they are worried, talk to them about what they are worried about. Explain that most people feel a bit anxious when they are starting something new.  Share a time when you felt anxious.  This helps normalise their feelings. Practice some calming strategies such as mindfulness.
• Talk about this and problem solve with them.  It may be helpful to write this down. 
• Share stories from when you started school.
• Help them see their anxiety as anticipation - like it feels just before going on a ride at the show.
• Ask the librarian to help you find relevant books to read to them about starting school – there are quite a few around.
• Remind them of other times they have started new activities and how they coped.
• Remind them of their strengths - whether it be friendliness, determination, cognitive ability, sense of humour, creativity etc.