Now I don't know normally say things that sounds this outrageous.  But there are sound reasons why?  If you are interested in how - take a look at the video.  Let us know what you think..

I asked someone what gift they wanted to give themselves, they said gratitude sounded boring.  
 
So what would you give yourself?
 
They didn’t hesitate – self-confidence.
 
So that is today’s gift we give to you.
 
The gift of believing in yourself and allowing yourself to do what is important to you.
 
Christmas can be a huge time of self-doubt and events that seem to conspire to delete our self-confidence.  Personally when I see people go out to fun work events, or doing wonderful things with their family I can hear this nagging voice that says “see that, why aren’t you doing that?  Why don’t you have the ability to make things that like that happen”.  

Maybe you are estranged from your family, too ill to create anything special at Christmas, don’t have work and struggle to find money to pay for gifts, are single and despair of finding a partner, or even more simply can’t make a gingerbread house to save your life.  

​Maybe you are lacking the confidence to have the Christmas you want to have, not what is expected from you.

Or it can be that when we catch up with certain family members of old 'friends' memories of our past mistakes and failures are brought up.
 
Christmas can magnify the areas in our life where we lack confidence. 

Self-confidence and comparison
Most young children believe the world revolves around them and of course whatever they do is wonderful – just think kindergarten drawings, first steps, made up stories.  
 
Then you hit school and the comparisons of your abilities, your achievements, your looks, your background, your clothes, begin – and they never stop.  And at Christmas we are never short of comparisons with what other people are doing (even if we know that what we see on social media is not the total picture).
 
When you practice a new skill, when you build up the knowledge over time that there are some things you actually do well, your confidence grows. When you receive feedback on your abilities, your looks, your achievements, or on other things that are important to you, your confidence grows.
 
But what if it doesn’t, or how do you build self-confidence? ​

​You can work on practicing your skills of connecting with others at Christmas, but you may find this isn't enough, forgiveness may be your missing skill.  

At Christmas a lot of old hurts can show up. You may be catching up with people you only see infrequently, and so whilst you have been able to practice avoidance throughout the year, all of a sudden that is no longer possible.  And then amongst other expectations at Christmas is that you ‘play nice’ or the day.
 
You may also have trouble forgiving people who are now no longer in your life, or have an ex-partner who has chosen not to see their children at Christmas (and yes it happens a lot) and be feeling resentful about this.  There may be fractious family relationships, there may be hurt from friends who don’t seem to be making an effort to catch up.  The list of possible sources of resentment is almost endless.
 
So what is forgiveness?  Do you do it once and only when the person involved has apologised and promised not to do it again? Do you forgive someone as many times as it takes? Over and over?  

Can you forgive someone who doesn’t want to be forgiven? Is forgiveness an act of self-care, of grace, or an act of rebuilding a friendship or relationship?  Or perhaps it can be any of these and all of these.
 
As a parent sometimes I am practicing forgiveness almost on an ongoing basis.  There is a constant reminder that we and our children are imperfect but if we dwell on that it will get in the way of relationship building.  

We need to let go continually of the hurts and the disappointments that come with human imperfection.  And this comes more easily to some people.  And it is easier to forgive some people than others...  

Yep.  We are constantly sold on the magic of Christmas with beautiful perfect images.  You and I both know that that is not how real people live!  And you can turn yourself inside out with trying to match this.  

I discussed in an earlier post about how the number one way to reduce Christmas stress was to ask yourself and your family what was the one thing they looked forward to and enjoyed about Christmas.  Tip no 1. Remind yourself of what this is.

.I have been through the whole putting up the tree journey. For many years the children fought over who would put the star on the top and took it in turn each years, often accompanied by tears. They took great pride taking the decorations out and placing them on the tree. I used to be a little concerned with how 'bizarre' everything looked and secretly moved some decorations around after they finished.

Now? Well I was out for an hour, came back and the tree was up. No star. I asked where the star was. My youngest found it and put it on the tree... Just like that.... I actually kind of miss the fight, it reflects how important it was for them.

Tip no 2. Look at how what you are thinking about your Christmas decorations.  Is your thinking realistic?  If your thinking revolves around comparison with others, wishful thinking and a sense of not being good enough.... take a step back.  Is it more important to put the decorations on the tree that your child has made at kindergarten or for the baubles too match?
Tip no 3.  Check whether you and your children are enjoying the decorations and tree.  If not, it's time for a rethink.  What is most important to you about Christmas.  Is it how great the tree is?  If that is actually really important to you, maybe you could have two trees - one for you and one for the children.  If it's not actually that important, release the thoughts and the feelings so they no longer are hijacking your Christmas!

Bonus tip If you are not enjoying your decorations, and/or have too much, think about those that are the most important to you and your family and give the others away. Too much clutter - even if it's Christmas clutter - can be overwhelming.

So, if you find yourself being swept away by the need for perfection, judging your decorations and lack of colour coordination and thinking you don't have enough time to do it right. Check your thinking!  Don't let unrealistic expectations hijack your Christmas spirit.

​No matter what remember, your tree is enough and you are enough (funny but not funny).

ps. our tree is shorter this and on a table because we have a new guide dog puppy (@guidedogejeanie)!.  
pps I'd love to see a photo of your tree.  You can post it in the comments below..