HOW TO STOP FEELING GUILTY

So, you'd like to stop feeling guilty.

If you're like me you are not short of examples where motherhood guilt popped up its head.

As recently as last week I was at an all day event and about 11.30 I received a text from my youngest.

It read
'Mum, where are you?'  😳😳

So, yes.
I put my hand up for another vote towards the Worst Mother of the Year Award.

Well, first the bad news about feeling guilty...

You cant really stop it....

But....

You don't really want to.

Guilt is an emotion, and like all emotions it has a purpose - it is giving you feedback and guidance on your life.

 It is important that you feel guilt.

There are two question to ask yourself: 

1. What is this emotion telling you?  
2. Is this helpful in helping you lead YOUR best life?.  

 
Have a look at these two examples.

1. You forgot to call your mum for her birthday and now you’re feeling guilty.
2. You want to go out for lunch with your friend and your child doesn’t want you to go.  They cry and run after the car as you leave the driveway.  (They are staying home with their dad).

 

Guilt is an emotion, and like all emotions it has a purpose - it is giving you feedback and guidance on your life.

What is the feeling of guilt telling you in these two situations, what might be some underlying thinking, and is it helpful?

1. You love your mum, wanted to call her and got caught up with work emails, cooking dinner and looking after your kids.   Maybe this feeling of guilt is telling you that you made a mistake, you missed the opportunity to do something that was important to you, you know your mum will be hurt.  Maybe you need to check your diary more often, act when you remember something and don’t procrastinate, look at why you’re so buy you forgot to do something important to you.
   
   If you had no guilt, you wouldn’t think to repair any broken connection with your mum, you wouldn’t think to examine your life and see what exactly made you too busy.
2. You love your child.  You don’t want them to be upset, because it’s your job as a mum to keep them safe and happy.  Your child is going to hate you.
   
   In this instance the feeling of guilt is magnifying any doubts you have about your mothering.  Maybe you’ve been thinking that your child is so demanding and you just need a break, why can’t they make it easy for you.  And what a terrible thing for a mother to think about her child!
   
   I never said guilt was an easy and simple emotion!!

When you experience guilt you can have a look at whether you need to change anything – maybe you’re going out everyday for hours and hours and leaving your child.  Maybe you need to seek some help.  

But maybe you’re just tired, need a break and this time out for self-care is something important.
 
If you were to give in to this guilt and not go out at all – what happens to your self care?  Where is your chance to reset, regroup, recharge?  

Self-care is looking after your mental and physical health.  It is crucial for you and your family.  
 
So, acknowledge your guilt, scan your guilt for information but don’t get stuck in it.  Reaffirm what is important and why and then do what you can to live YOUR best life.

In my latest podcast I talk more about the process of getting unstuck.  You can catch it here https://anchor.fm/kim-dunn/episodes/How-to-say-NO-to-guilt-and-YES-to-self-care-eb4fge.

If you have any topic you would like me to talk about, simply send me an email using the contact form below.

Until next time, take care of yourself.


​Kim xx

​