Emotions are complex. Feelings can scare you so much you can shut them down and walk through life feeling numb. Or may you live your live feeling trapped by anxiety or depression. Or spend your time chasing the euphoria that comes from happiness, and by trying to create it, miss the moments where it actually exists.
The following three factors are paramount in your emotional self-care:
1. Awareness and acceptance of your emotions;
2. Being able to express emotions in a healthy way; and,
3. Doing activities that cultivate joy/happiness.
Let's talk briefly about these three factors.
Very young babies communicate first through their emotions. Babies cry, scream, laugh ... way before they can talk. It is how they let others know that they have desires - for food, comfort and sleep - that need to be met.
From birth individual differences are apparent in how intensely babies feel and express their emotions. Some are born screaming at the top of their lungs - ever notice that some babies don’t just cry a little bit when they are hungry, need changing or tired, they scream at the top of their lungs. Whereas others are much more contemplative and seem to take it all in their stride. .
Over time as a baby learns that people will respond to their cries; as they begin first to use movement as communication, and then speech, their emotional response tends to reduce in intensity.
However, the ability to express emotions varies.
Emotional overwhelm (meltdowns) may occur when speech language development is delayed, when children are exhausted from not getting their needs (both real and perceived met) and/or when they are coping with high levels of stress.
And so it is with adults. Have you ever noticed how much easier is to be calm and rational when you have had a full 9=8 hours restful sleep?
And lastly a quick look at doing activities that cultivate happiness. To help you do this I have put some prompts below. I invite you to actively journal and write down some of your responses.
🌼When was the last time you felt happy?
🌼In whose company do you feel comfort?
🌼In what activities do you ‘flow’?
🌼When do you lose a sense of time and space and feel that you just 'are'’?
🌼Do you have something to look forward to?
🌼What excites you?
🌼Have you planned to do activities / made time for things that make you smile?
🌼Do you know when people are happiest?
🌼Have you planned to do activities / made time for things that are important to you?
Research indicates that doing what is most important, pursuing a meaningful life may be the true key to happiness. It also shows that being present and fully in the momebt, regardless of what you are doing is also linked to happiness.. Based on your experience, what do you think? I'd love to know.
If you would like to look at this further, and are curious about mindfulness, I invite you to be a part of my upcoming, and last one for the year, Introduction to Practical Mindfulness mini-course starting on the 10th October - World Mental Health Day.
Until next time, take care of yourself
Yesterday the roadmap was delivered to Victorians. As a Victorian living in Metro Melbourne, the roadmap was worse than I had anticipated.
Worse both personally, and for the larger community.
I am looking for strong forward sustainable leadership in regards to future town planning which maximises the resources available in each person’s 5 km bubble. Maybe that’s coming, but it wasn’t there yesterday.
I am looking for leadership that supports family connection, and that wasn’t there yesterday. There are at least 7 weeks before I can see my parents, or any member of my family again. And at least 11 before we can come together as a whole family. None of my family are within my 5km radius.
There are at least 7 weeks before my children can look at resuming a proper education – ranging from High School to University.
So, yep it sucks.
So yesterday I wallowed, a little bit. Something clicked in my brain and I slipped into self-sabotage mode. To me this is often a combination of not doing anything and over eating – not a healthy combination – and getting angry.
If I am to name my anger, it would be disappointment, fear (the above will only happen if certain parameters are met), some envy and resentment.
There will be no grand final meet up with family.
If I’m going to be stuck in a 5km bubble, I want a better 5km bubble! I want a beach, or a forest, or a river walk, and/or some family! I have a lake .2 km out of my bubble. Do I risk it?
In crisis it becomes the gap between the haves and the have nots - geographically, financially, emotionally, and socially becomes so apparent.
In a crisis, this gap becomes a chasm.
There are many of us who don't have friends who check in on us and who take the effort to make our iso birthdays something special.
There are many people stuck in worse 5km radius than me. Those who don't have the money to indulge in Netflix, Foxtel, online purchasing, take away meals, or other distracting behaviours.
There are many who don't have the resources or energy to get dressed each day, let alone create and finish any sort of project.
And of course there are those stuck in a loveless or abuse relationship, unemployed, detoxing, the list goes on.
The above, and more contribute to the anger I feel.
So what, if anything, is the antidote to this anger?
Do we just wait it out the best we can?
Well, yes there is that but, here are a couple of things that may help
You know those thoughts and feelings going around and around in your head, perhaps sabotaging you the way mine do? Get them out. Write them down, talk them aloud, acknowledge them, show them in the light and own them as yours.
Now this is not denying that other people may have it worse. This sort of comparison does not help.
This is acknowledging your hurt and your loss and all the reasons you may be feeling anger.
From here there are a few options.
If you have uncovered a sense of loss, hurt or suffering you may like to look at the Three Steps of Self-Compassion.
You may like to channel the energy of that anger into something you can control, that fits with what is important to you. It might be writing a letter to your MP, starting a home construction/demolition project, going for a run, dancing to loud music, actively contacting (or recontacting) everyone you know in isolation to see how they are doing.
Or you may wish to reconnect with a passion, a person, a therapist, a positive habit.
I’m taking stock (again) today. Looking at doubling down on exercise, doing something in the garden, taking pressure off myself to complete work projects and slowing down a little bit, spring cleaning the house. I’m also going to keep connecting with the people I care about and…find a new Netflix series. Vampire Diaries you’ve served me well, but you’re almost over.
And, I’ve had one week off since March and am about to go and schedule in a couple more weeks when I finish this. Because, yes you can still burn out in isolation, in fact it can be even easier to do so.
Where ever you find yourself day, take time to reflect on how you are really feeling, what you are really thinking and then act upon this feelings. If you would like some support with that I’m here for you. Whether that’s through self-care coaching, supervision, mentoring…simply email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we can talk about your next steps.
Until next time, take care of yourself
Kim Dunn xx
* My aim is for these posts is meant to useful, interesting and/or inspiring. They are not designed to be used for therapy..
Kim Dunn is a Child Psychologist and Founder of Positive Young Minds.