How to Reduce the Stress of Christmas Giving

Does buying Christmas presents stress you out?  

If you love Christmas and the hope and magic it can bring, but buying presents is a nightmare, you are not alone!  

Some years the list of people I thought I just had to get presents for seemed to be never ending -  family, friends, work colleagues, teachers, staff, football coaches, not to  mention my own children the list went on and on.  

Buying Christmas presents is one of the many expectations you can feel at Christmas time and one of the many stressors and tasks that can lead to Christmas overwhelm.  

I have 14 suggestions to help you reduce the stress and anxiety of buying gifts, including what to buy your kids, but first the two most important things to keep in mind when buying Christmas gifts are:
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🌟 Experiences that contribute to our happiness. Not more stuff! 
🌟The simplest way of making gifts easier is to reduce the number of gifts you buy and the number of people you give gifts too.  

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🌟The simplest way of making gifts easier is to reduce the number of gifts you buy and the number of people you give gifts too.  ​

14 General Tips to reduce Christmas Present Stress

1. Make a list of everyone you feel you should buy for.
2.  Have a look at the list. Why do you feel you need to buy for this person? If it is a coach, a teacher or someone you want to thank, thank them! Either yourself or your child can thank them. Depending on the age of your child they could make a drawing or write them a letter, or write inside a home-made Christmas card. This will be something they treasure.
3. Have another look at your list. How many of the people left on the list to do you buy obligation presents for, and how many are people who are never pleased with what you buy them? Don’t turn yourself inside out trying to please them. Either strike them off your list, give them a pig (goat, chicken, fresh water) from an aid organisation such as World Vision, or buy them something inherently practical. 
4. Who is left on your list? Can you remove them?
5. Can you do a Kris Kringle? There are lots of variations on this *
6. Buy everyone the same thing.  Think a beach towel, movie tickets, itune voucher
7. Remember think reduce. No-one needs more clutter and very few of us need more stuff. 
8. What experience can you give? E.g. A baby sitting voucher, movie tickets, bowling games, a cooking class, bicycle or car maintenance? 
9. Is there something you can make? E.g. Homemade granola, a pot of lavender, a mini herb garden, a chopping board. 
10. Buy from local craft markets.  
11. Buy consumables.  Homemade sauces, jams, theatre tickets etc.
12. Stick to a budget.
13. Keep the receipt.
14. Do you have friends who would be open to putting a challenge on the gift that it has to be second hand, either something you already own or bought from a charity or second hand shop?
    
    

Note - I originally spoke about Christmas Gifts in 2018, you can check out the original post for a few extra tips (I'd love to combine them, but my website doesn't allow me to do this, so I've just changed it up a little so that it is still helpful for you.)
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*What is a Kris Kringle
A Kris Kringle is when each person buys a gift for just one person in a group, hence reducing excess and cost.  There are many variations.  Names can be drawn and allocated (Secret Santa) or it can be pot luck – everyone brings a gift.  If it is pot luck, here are three variations of how to distribute the gifts.

1. Put the gifts in a row.  If there are 10 gifts write the numbers 1 to 10 on pieces of paper and put them in a hat/bowl.  Everyone draws a number.  People then take turns to choose a gift depending on the number they received in the draw.  So if you drew number one, you go first.
2. The person whose turn it is has a choice of choosing a wrapped gift or taking an already opened gift from someone (pays to go last in this variation!).  ps I would only recommend this option if people are going to have fun with it, and not be upset when someone takes ‘their’ gift.  Christmas Day is not really the day to lecture people about resilience.
3. Put a number on the gift and match it up with the number drawn from the hat.

Why is Choosing Children's Gifts so Hard?

Stress around children's gifts could be happening for a number of reasons

• Wanting to make Christmas special;

• Being presented with a long list of items from your children;
• Your children not knowing what they want; your children having too much stuff (read previous email about a pre-Christmas cull);
• Not having the money to buy what you would like;
• Trying to make up for Christmas' where you have felt disappointed;
• Trying to make Christmas make up for previous stressful Christmas, or years you might have had....COVID anyone???

Or maybe you really dislike making decisions and your thinking might go something like mine does on occasion -  This is me looking at underwear - "how much cotton is in this?", "is it organic and/or sustainable cotton", "how much is it?"  "what size are they?", "what style would they like best?"  "what colour /pattern will they like?"  "do they really need them?", "if I buy them this, does that mean I need to buy the others underwear as well?", "do the others need underwear?", "but I only recently bought underwear".  Maybe I won't buy underwear.... and then I leave the shop....  

To reduce stress around buying your children gifts start by:

• Identifying where your stress is coming from
• Check your expectations against reality, 
• Create some guidelines for yourself.  Think budget, number of gifts, type of gifts.  The budget is entirely up to you, but remember younger children don't care how much you spend, and older children are nearly always going to put things on the list you can't afford.  
• Remember the law of diminishing satisfaction.  The first present your children unwrap will usually give them the greatest joy. ​
• Introduce a giving practice for your children.  Eg donating a toy, or good, making a card for a neighbour.

 🌟 Remember the law of diminishing satisfaction.  This means that the first present your children unwraps will usually give them the greatest joy. ​

What should I buy my child?

What does your child need

• Very young children do not need much at all.  if you set the tradition early in life that Chirstmas is not about how much you get, but about what you do, choosing gifts will become easier as they get older.  Don't be scared to hold gifts back if you look at everything you have bought and it looks too much.

Think natural and classic.

• Did you know the latest classic toy introduced to the Strong National Museum of Play was ...sand.  My kids loved their sand pit when they were little.  Other classic toys include sticks, balls, blankets and playing cards.

Don't buy some thing electronic, or if you do, don't make it the biggest gift.

• Why? You don't want to be that that parent when the gift doesn't work, and have to  line up in JB HI-Fi to replace it on Boxing Day only to be told they are out of stock.  I've been behind that woman and it's not a happy moment.  If possible try to test it beforehand.

So what do you do with all the ads on TV and the demands for the latest and greatest?

• Set the limit. Say that Santa and/or mum and dad brings three things per child - eg a game, a toy/sporting equipment, a book.  And stick to it!  You may choose to do a stocking with some practical things such as undies, socks, hankies, soaps etc.

Of course, gifts are not the only source of stress at Christmas. Maybe the Christmas Tree presents a dilemma for you.   I've got that covered as well with - Three Tips to Reduce Christmas Decoration Stress.   And for other strategies to overcome your Christmas stress and make Christmas Awesome check out  How to Make this Christmas Simply Awesome.   

For over 17 years, I have combined research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents to help them understand and manage big emotions and create calmer homes.  Homes where big feelings are understood, needs are met, and relationships strengthened, so that Christmas can be celebrated, not dreaded. If you would like some more support navigating this time of the year you are welcome to book an appointment.

Chat soon

Kim
Psychologist and Founder of Positive Young Minds.
(blog updated 3rd November 2023).

PS. If you enjoyed this blog, then come over and join the Sprinkles of Wisdom for Wonderful Women Newsletter Club. You'll receive regular letters from me where I share insights, inspiration, reflections, support and do-able strategies on how you can create and integrate more calm, connection and confidence into your life without running away to Bali.

A reminder this blog is for general information and advice only. It is not designed to replace therapy in any way. For some people Christmas is not just stressful, it is also traumatic. The above advice is not meant to address Christmas trauma. If you are experiencing trauma, overwhelming Christmas anxiety, depression, or any other mental health concern please see your GP, or your mental health therapist, or see if you think I may be a good fit for you .