Do you find buying Christmas presents stressful?  if you do, you are not alone!  

Whether it's buying gifts for adults, friends, relatives, work colleagues or your own children the list can seem never ending.  It's one of the many heavy expectations you can feel at Christmas time.  Below are 14 tips to help you tame that anxiety around Christmas gift shopping and reduce the stress associated with Christmas. 

The two key things to keep in mind when buying Christmas gifts:
🌟 It is experiences that contribute to our happiness. Not stuff! 
🌟The simplest way of making gifts easier is to reduce the number of gifts you buy, and the number of people you give gifts too.  
 
General Tips to reduce Christmas Present Stress

1. Make a list of everyone you feel you should buy for.
2.  Have a look at the list. Why do you feel you need to buy for this person? If it is a coach, a teacher or someone you want to thank, thank them! Either yourself or your child can thank them. Depending on the age of your child they could make a drawing or write them a letter, or write inside a home-made Christmas card. This will be something they treasure.
3. Have another look at your list. How many of the people left on the list to do you buy obligation presents for, and how many are people who are never pleased with what you buy them? Don’t turn yourself inside out trying to please them. Either strike them off your list, give them a pig (goat, chicken, fresh water) from an aid organisation such as World Vision, or buy them something inherently practical. Have a look at this website for ideas https://hereandtheremakers.com. (I can personally vouch for the produce bags.)
4. Who is left on your list? Can you remove them?
5. Can you do a Kris Kringle? There are lots of variations on this *
6. Buy everyone the same thing.  Think a beach towel, movie tickets, itune voucher
7. Remember think reduce. No-one needs more clutter and very few of us need more stuff. 
8. What experience can you give? E.g. A baby sitting voucher, movie tickets, bowling games, a cooking class, bicycle or car maintenance? 
9. Is there something you can make? E.g. Homemade granola, a pot of lavender, a mini herb garden, a chopping board. 
10. Buy from local craft markets.  
11. Buy consumables.  Homemade sauces, jams, theatre tickets etc.
12. Stick to a budget.
13. Keep the receipt.
14. Do you have friends who would be open to putting a challenge on the gift that it has to be second hand, either something you already own or bought from a charity or second hand shop?

*What is a Kris Kringle
A Kris Kringle is when each person buys a gift for just one person in a group, hence reducing excess and cost.  There are many variations.  Names can be drawn and allocated (Secret Santa) or it can be pot luck – everyone brings a gift.  If it is pot luck , here are three variations of how to distribute the gifts.

1. Put the gifts in a row.  If there are 10 gifts write the numbers 1 to 10 on pieces of paper and put them in a hat/bowl.  Everyone draws a number.  People then take turns to choose a gift depending on the number they received in the draw.  So if you drew number one, you go first.
2. The person whose turn it is has a choice of choosing a wrapped gift or taking an already opened gift from someone (pays to go last in this variation!).  ps I would only recommend this option if people are going to have fun with it, and not be upset when someone takes ‘their’ gift.  Christmas Day is not really the day to lecture people about resilience.
3. Put a number on the gift and match it up with the number drawn from the hat.

How to reduce stress when selecting children's gifts
Stress around buying children's gifts comes from a range of sources - wanting to make Christmas special; being presented with a long list of items from your children; you children not knowing what they want; your children having too much stuff (read previous email about a pre-Christmas cull); not having the money to buy what you would like; trying to make up for Christmas' where you have felt disappointed; trying to make Christmas make up for the stressful year you might have had....COVID anyone???

Or maybe you really dislike making decisions and your thinking might go something like mine does on occasion -  This is me looking at underwear - "how much cotton is in this?", "is it organic and/or sustainable cotton", "how much is it?"  "what size are they?", "what style would they like best?"  "what colour /pattern will they like?"  "do they really need them?", "if I buy them this, does that mean I need to buy the others underwear as well?", "do the others need underwear?", "but I only recently bought underwear".  Maybe I won't buy underwear, and then I leave the shop....  

To reduce stress around buying your children gifts start by:

• Identifying where your stress is coming from
• Check your expectations against reality, 
• Create some guidelines for yourself.  Think budget, number of gifts, type of gifts.  The budget is entirely up to you, but remember younger children don't care how much you spend, and older children are nearly always going to put things on the list you can't afford.  
• Remember the law of diminishing satisfaction.  The first present your children unwrap will usually give them the greatest joy. ​
• Introduce a giving practice for your children.  Eg donating a toy, or good, making a card for a neighbour.

What to buy

1. What does your child need? Very young children do not really need much at all, and if you set the tradition early that Christmas is not about how much you get, but about what you do, it won’t be such a big deal as they get older.  And don't be scared to hold gifts back, if you look at what you have bought and it looks too much.
2. Think natural and classic.  Did you know the latest classic toy introduced to the Strong National Museum of Play ....sand.  My kids loved their sand pit when they were little.   Other classic toys include sticks, balls, blankets and playing cards. 
3. Don’t buy something electronic, or if you do, don’t make it the biggest gift.  Why?  You don’t want to be the parent when the gift doesn’t work, and have to line up in JB-HiFi to replace it on Boxing Day, only to be told that they are out of stock.  I've been behind that woman, and it's not a happy moment.
4. If you are buying something with batteries, provide rechargeable batteries as part of the gift, and if possible try to test it beforehand.
5. So what do you do with all the ads on tv and the demands for the latest and greatest? Set the limit, say that Santa/or mum and dad brings three things per child – E.g. a game, a toy/sporting equipment, a book. And stick to it! You may choose to do a stocking with some practical things such as undies, socks, hankies, soaps etc

🌟 Remember the law of diminishing satisfaction.  

The first present your children unwrap will usually give them the greatest joy.  

Of course, gifts are not the only potential stress at Christmas, maybe the Christmas Tree presents a dilemma for you.  I've got that covered as well - with Three Tips to Reduce Christmas Decoration Stress.

Chat soon


Kim
Psychologist and Founder of Positive Young Minds

ps This year I am having a break from the 17th December to the 11th January.  If Christmas is causing you stress, book a time now for some support.  There are limited spots available.    

*updated 6th December 2021

Each year leading up to Christmas when we ask ourselves what we want for Christmas, I find is an inspiring time to actually look at what I have.  We know that if you are looking to increase the happiness in your life that putting time and energy into experiences rather than things is the way to go. 
 
However, things have a way of accumulating.  Whether you have bought them with good intentions or whether they have come to you as gifts or through other means.  And before you know it even things you love can just become part of ‘stuff everywhere’! 
 
Sitting back and looking at your stuff can be a great way of reconnecting with what is important to you.  By curating your stuff you can creating an environment that supports your current stage of life, your current interests and is uplifting.  
 
Let’s start by looking at books.  
 
Growing up we had a set of World Book encyclopedias.  I loved them.  You could open up at any page and learn something new about the world.  Looking at them gave me a sense of wonder and thirst for knowledge.  I probably loved my fantasy books (Enid Blyton anyone?) where I went into worlds where anything and everything was possible.  
 
It’s the promise contained in books that I love.
 
As I grew older my relationship with books became a bit more complicated.  Books I had to read – school novels, reference books.  Books I thought I should read – parenting books, self-help books.  And instead of being always about pleasure books also became a mirror reminding me of things I didn’t understand, couldn’t learn or highlighted my inadequacies. 
 
Do you love all your books?  Do you smile when you see them, refer to them regularly and rejoice in their wisdom?
 
OR
 
Are their books on your bookshelf that taunt you with reminders about your failures?  Cookbooks full of recipes you haven’t tried.  Self-help books with exercises you haven’t completed.  Novels you haven’t read.  Parenting books that seem to mock you.  Reference books you don’t use (or are way out of date). 
 
Why are you holding on to them?
 
Marie Kondo speaks of holding things to see if they spark joy.  And it’s an exercise I do every so often.  
 
You take the books down from the shelves and hold each one.  How does it feel?  Do you feel inspired when you hold it?  Or do you notice creeping thoughts such as I ‘should’ read that, followed by a sigh or accompanied by a self chastising ‘well that was a waste of money’. 
 
(If you have electronic books that you’ve downloaded, although you can’t hold them you can look at the titles and notice what thoughts and feelings arise.)
 
From here you have two choices. 
 
If you feel inspired, warm, joyful when you pick up the book - make the recipes, do the exercises, read the novels.  Reconnect with the reason why that book is on your shelf in the first place.   
 
OR
 
If you feel nothing, or the weight of the ‘shoulds’, move the book on.  Acknowledge your intentions when you bought the book.  Thank the book for the hope it inspired, acknowledge and release any guilt or disappointment in yourself.  Depending on the book you could donate them, give them to friends etc.  Notice how you feel when you do this.  
 
As you remove the stuff (and fluff) from your life that no longer matters, you make space for reconnecting to what is really important to you.  
 
If you do this I would love to know what you discover.  You can email me at kimdunn@positiveyoungminds.com.au.

NOMOPHOBIA
Nomophobia (no-mobile-phone phobia), not an official diagnosis, but refers to the anxiety people feel when they are separated from their mobile phone. This may be due to not having their phone, lack of service connection, or a dead battery. It can result in a range of anxiety symptoms. It can also be a symptom of social anxiety.

(Not to be confused with the existing, clinically accepted disorder of nomophobia which refers to a fear of laws, rules and regulations).

We all love being able to take photos on our phones, keep up to date with who is doing what, and share our lives quickly and vibrantly with our friends, family and anyone else who is interested.  However, it is easy for our phones to encroach too much into our lives.  The ironic and sad situation is that despite us wanting to use our phones to increase connections in our lives, it is easy for our phone use to interfere with our ability to feel and be connected.  How do you know if your phone use may be interfering with your life?