Does the thought of Christmas make you break out in a sweat? Does the sight of mince pies and Advent calendars in the shops start your mind racing even when Christmas is over two months away? It’s hard trying to juggle work, being a mum, and Christmas preparations and Christmas overwhelm and anxiety is real. But, there are three things that you can do to create an awesome Christmas and reduce your stress:

• Start with deciding the one thing you must include in your Christmas season.
• Secondly, intentionally create and deepen your connection with yourself, others, the world around you, and the transcendental.
• And lastly, but not least(y) maintain your self-care. Don't scoff. Self-care fatigue may be real, but there are simple ways to include self-care as part of your life and practice self-care at Christmas. 

 I have a question for you.

"How are you feeling right now?"
 
Many people have no idea, or provide an automatic response like, "I'm feeling good, I'm fine."  
 
If you have difficulties with knowing how you feel, you are not alone.  

​There are many reasons why you may not be able to easily identify what you are feeling - including the fact that many people who ask you how you are feeling, don't really care!  It's just a societal nicety to get out of the way.  

But knowing how you are feeling IS important.  

Combined with knowing what you are thinking and identifying what your body is experiencing, it's one of the key ways you make sense of the world around you.  This awareness is a part of living a more mindful life and  taking responsibility for your overall self-care.  

​Below are five habits or behaviours that might be getting in the way for you understanding what you are feeling.  Note, I do not discuss trauma in this article, or anxiety and other mental health conditions that can cause difficulties in accessing emotions.  The five habits discussed are behaviours and habits that everyone can fall into with realising it.  
 
5 feelings habits or behaviours
The first is DISTRACTION. There are so many things that distract us and take us out of ourselves on a day-to-day basis, not the least being, the 24 hour digital world we live in.  Whether it be social media, watching YouTube videos, Netflix or Foxtel, there's so much you can tune into any second of the day and never have to be alone with yourself, your thoughts and your feelings.  Distraction is a huge blockage that can get in the way of knowing how you really feel.
 
Did you know that the statistics around how often people pick up their phone is amazing.  It’s about once every five or 10 minutes. And the number of people who, the first thing they do in the morning is not check in with themselves, but check in with what random people are doing on Facebook or Instagram.  Hands up if you can relate to either of these things.  I know I definitely get hooked into this from time to time.

The next three obstacles I’m grouping together and calling them REASONS.  This covers justification, blame and shame.  In these situations you can identify what you are feeling but you are stepping into your logical mind instead of allowing yourself the experience.  

In JUSTIFICATION you are explaining your feelings.  For example.  “Oh, I'm feeling pretty tired, but I didn't sleep real well. And you know, maybe if I've gone to bed early or I wouldn't feel quite so tired” or “I'm feeling okay today, but you know, I had time to myself and I was able to go for a walk and unlike other days where I don't get that sort of time”. 
 
BLAME is when you are attributing your feelings to what someone else did.  For example, “I'm feeling really angry and it's your fault because you cut me off” or “it's your fault because you didn't do the dishes”. “I'm feeling really frustrated because they didn't ring me when they were supposed to”. So your emotion is all about what someone else did to you. 
 
I'm not saying some of these things didn't happen and some of them might not have contributed to your frustration or your anger or your happiness or whatever you're feeling. However, allowing yourself to go down this train of thought is taking you away from what you are feeling right now and interfering with your ability to experience that emotion fully. 
 
The next reasoning obstacle is SHAME.

Decide on one special thing at Christmas to reduce stress and create lasting memories.
​
 Last night at 11.40pm I was writing a to do list, when I woke this morning I thought of other things to add to the list.  It is the time of the year, school finishing up, deadlines at work, Christmas and all the other day to day things that demand attention.  When we are rushing from one thing to another, how can we make Christmas a mindful time?  Remembering to be present where we are at any particular time is crucial.  What are your anxious signs.  For me awareness that there is tension in my stomach and chest and a feeling that my body needs to be elsewhere is the cue to take a moment and focus on my breathing and remind myself to give all my attention to what I am doing right at that moment.  

A tip I would like to share that helps me reduce the pressure of this time of year is to ask yourself -  What is the one special thing you love about Christmas.  Ask your family or other special people you spend Christmas with what there most favourite thing is.  Concentrate on these things.  It might be Christmas Carols, lights, trimming the tree, cooking the pudding, family gathering, finding the right gift  or something else.  

These are the traditions you create for yourself and your family and these are what you prioritise.  For my children they love Christmas lights so we make sure whatever happens they see lights.  Over the previous years I have made creating a Christmas booklet with quizzes and jokes a priority for a fun focus after Christmas lunch.  I also enjoy making Christmas cards.  This year my priority is on remaining calm at Christmas.  So if as long as people are fed and gifts are given if I remain calm and peaceful everything else is a bonus.  Wishing you a Christmas full of wonderful, special, moments with your loved ones.

For over 17 years, I have combined research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents to help them understand and manage big emotions and create calmer homes.  Homes where big feelings are understood, needs are met, and relationships strengthened, so that Christmas can be celebrated, not dreaded. If you would like some more support navigating this time of the year you are welcome to book an appointment.

Chat soon

Kim
Psychologist and Founder of Positive Young Minds.
(updated 4th November 2023)

PS. If you enjoyed this blog, then come over and join the Sprinkles of Wisdom for Wonderful Women Newsletter Club. You'll receive regular letters from me where I share insights, inspiration, reflections, support and do-able strategies on how you can create and integrate more calm, connection and confidence into your life without running away to Bali.

A reminder this blog is for general information and advice only. It is not designed to replace therapy in any way. For some people Christmas is not just stressful, it is also traumatic. The above advice is not meant to address Christmas trauma. If you are experiencing trauma, overwhelming Christmas anxiety, depression, or any other mental health concern please see your GP, or your mental health therapist, or see if you think I may be a good fit for you .