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Does the thought of Christmas make you break out in a sweat? Does the sight of mince pies and Advent calendars in the shops start your mind racing even when Christmas is over two months away? It’s hard trying to juggle work, being a mum, and Christmas preparations and Christmas overwhelm and anxiety is real. But, there are three things that you can do to create an awesome Christmas and reduce your stress:
 Christmas is part of the year's rhythm, like Spring, birthdays, and the start of the school year. In Spring you start to swap your winter clothes out for lighter dresses and pack your heavier coats away (although not too far away if you live in Melbourne where our seasons tend to ignore their order on the calendar). At the end of the school year, there is space for reflecting on the achievements of the year, celebrating them with concerts, displays of artwork, and reports that provide a potted summary of the blood, sweat, and tears. And before Christmas you plan, you shop, you get swept into the rhythm of what always happens at Christmas. You may work hard to recreate the magic of your childhood Christmas, or you may work hard to ensure your family experiences the joy you never did. You want to spend quality time with your loved ones, choose the right gifts, make people happy, and create wonderful memories. Some years it works. And other years there are tears, exhaustion, disappointment, and arguments. The drive to make this ‘the most magical time of the year’ can take its toll, and in the pressure to do everything for everyone, your needs, and your rights, can get lost. It doesn’t have to be like this. The drive to make this ‘the most magical time of the year’ can take its toll, and in the pressure to do everything for everyone, your needs, and your rights, can get lost." Why does Christmas stress you out? If you’re like me you want to enjoy Christmas and help your kids enjoy it. You want to create opportunities to sit with awe, see smiles and laughter, gather people together, and celebrate hope. But it’s easy for the joy to be sucked out of Christmas. How does this happen? Why is Christmas bad for your mental health?
Some of the highlights of playing Christmas Bingo. Gingerbread house won't stand up. No-one wants a Santa photo. Someone ate my Advent calendar chocolates. Forgetting where you hid a present. Car Park Rage." Christmas is particularly difficult if you have mental health difficulties, are struggling with the cost of living, or if you are consistently putting other's people's wishes ahead of your own. If you’re grieving, alone, or experienced a recent family separation, maybe this year is a particularly difficult one. Maybe it’s time to stop doing what you’ve always done and start exploring new ways of doing things that work for everyone in the family, including you.  Sticking to what you have always done makes sense. Until it doesn’t. The familiar is predictable and removes some of the burden of decision-making. Following the same pattern as last year can make planning easier and perhaps reduce some anxiety. However, does the pattern you follow include procrastinating, microplanning, or leaving it all to someone else to decide? Does the way you usually celebrate Christmas bring you overwhelm and exhaustion or joy? The simplest and calmest Christmases are where you don’t stick to tradition mindlessly but combine what is most meaningful from the past with your current needs and wants. There is power in reflecting. I invite you to take a pause now. Step back from trying to keep up with social media and the pressure to present a perfect Christmas image. Look at the expectations you are trying to live up to so that you can reduce your overwhelm and choose how you want this Christmas to be. The simplest and calmest Christmases are where you don’t stick to tradition mindlessly but combine what is most meaningful from the past with your current needs and wants. How to Cope with Christmas StressAs a mother, you already have enough on your plate. You tend to carry the majority of the day-to-day mental workload. Christmas can tip you into overwhelm, even if you normally cope OK. If you do have anxiety or another mental health condition you are more prone to feeling the weight of Christmas stress. To achieve calmness and manage your Christmas stress, let’s first look at some of the signs of Christmas stress, then dive into the three main ways of reducing your stress and making a simply awesome Christmas. 15 signs of Christmas stress
You may swing from avoidance to control, as your thoughts and feelings take up more of your mental space and lead you to old habits that have not served you well in the past. Let's get started on what you can do to create a different, calmer, more enjoyable and awesome experience this Christmas. " By reducing demands and expectations, looking after yourself, taking the time to reflect, and mindfully being present, you are well on your way to creating an awesome Christmas that works for you and your family." What to do to reduce Christmas Stress Simplifying as much as possible is a great place to start. You can simplify gift giving, decorations, celebrations and expectations. Following are 6 steps to simplify Christmas expectations. 1. Awareness. Take 10-20 minutes and connect with what you feel and what you think about all these expectations that you have created or bought into. What are the thoughts and feelings that come up when you think about Christmas? Find something to write in and listen to what you are saying to yourself. It may look something like this
Note:: If getting in touch with your feelings is difficult there can be a few reasons why that is happening. You can come back to exploring your feelings in the future either with your GP, or mental health therapist, or if this is something you would like help with you are welcome to contact me for an appointment. 2. Reflection. Once you’ve named and acknowledged your thoughts and feelings it’s time to reflect on what they might be trying to tell you about what is important to you at Christmas. Here are some simple guiding reflection questions.
 3. Communication. After you have listed what you want and your ideal Christmas, ask everyone else in your house, and/or those you know you want to celebrate Christmas with how they would answer the same questions. It's important to listen with curiosity and openness. 4. Analysis Compare the lists. Circle what there is in common, and those that are doable. Can you identify what matters most to everyone? Any surprises? How do you feel about what they said? It can be enlightening to realise that you don't always know what other people are thinking and that what you perceive isn't always true. Is it time to manage expectations – we’re not going to Disneyland. Sometimes it’s helpful to prompt, why do you want to go to Disneyland – oh, you’d like to get as far away as possible from all the drama that happened last year…. Don't forget - you're after an enjoyable, awesome Christmas, not one you've got through with gritted teeth, and can't wait until Boxing Day when it's all over. When you strip back your expectations and focus on what really matters it invites calm into your life. 5. Simplify. It's decision time. After the brainstorming, now it’s time to make some selections that you think will work best for the people who matter most – you and your family. Depending on the age of your children and who else is involved in your Christmas planning this will look a little different. You could have a family meeting or a family group chat, or perhaps the main parts of the day are decided by one or two people. The important part is that everyone's needs (including yours) are respected. The aim is for everyone to have one non-negotiable thing they will do/have/experience at Christmas. Everything else is a bonus. 6. Do. The next step in the plan is to put it in place and monitor it as you go. Mark the things that matter on your Calendar and in your diary. Be prepared to be flexible whilst keeping in mind the things that have the greatest priority. Hold your sights firmly on your North Star and hold this plan lightly in your heart. Remember what matters most. In the past our non-negotiable items in my family have been: Christmas light looking, celebrating Christmas with all the extended family, spending Christmas Day with partner, Midnight Mass, sausage rolls at Christmas lunch, It can be amazing when you strip it right back what the thing is people most remember and care about. Celebrating with others is usually comes up as a priority, although some years having space and time to oneself on the day takes priority, particularly for members who become easily overwhelmed. When you strip back your expectations and focus on what really matters it invites calm into your life. If you like to listen to podcasts, here is an episode where I talk about creating Christmas calm through managing expectations.  How to create awesome connections at ChristmasMental health and well-being are strongly linked to how connected you feel to those around you. The centre of this is yourself. Following are suggestions for strengthening connections in each of the four layers of connection: connection with yourself, connecting with your family and friends, connecting with the natural world, and connecting with the transcendental. 1. Connecting with yourself. The work you’ve just done on identifying what makes Christmas awesome for YOU, and being honest with yourself about your thoughts and feelings around Christmas was a great way of connecting with yourself. Three other ways to connect with yourself are:
(Note: You may have found this an easy thing to do, but there may have been unexpected things that have popped up. If these reflections increased your stress or anxiety please check in with your GP, or counsellor or contact me for an appointment to help you work through it.) 2. Connecting with friends and family. Some of the ways to connect with friends and family include:
Beyond your immediate circle of friends and family, there are several ways to connect with the broader community. These can include:
Or on a smaller scale:
Instead of the stress of juggling too many commitments at Christmas, other's find themselves feeling alone. If you’re by yourself at Christmas, there are other options to achieve this sense of connection and reduce loneliness.  3. Connection with the natural world. Ways to connect with the natural world include:
4. Connection with transcendence. Ways to connect with the space beyond which you can see include:
Maybe your awesome moment comes in the lull of Christmas Eve when your children are asleep (finally) presents are wrapped, and you take yourself outside and stare up at the sky.  How to Keep Up Your Self-Care at ChristmasTaking care of yourself is not selfish. It's an act of self-love. Christmas demands can challenge your existing self-care routines, whilst also providing some unique opportunities for enhancement. All the stressors outlined earlier can undermine existing self-care routines, especially if they are newly established. And Christmas also effects the routine and habits of others around you. You may find you're down a walking buddy, that Christmas treats are suddenly in your eyeline everytime you go shopping, that your loved ones are feeling broke or isolated. It's a shifting milieu. This is where fierce self-care becomes important, especially if you are prone to Christmas stress and anxiety. Self-care is so much more than bubble baths and treating yourself. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It's an act of self-love. It encompasses everything you do to maintain and enhance your ability to function well in your day-to-day life and these actions are often talked about as healthy habits. Here's a quick overview of the five foundations of self-care. The five foundations of self-care:
 Mindfulness practices heighten your senses, and intensity your experiences, and are a gateway to awe. Three questions to ask yourself repeatedly over Christmas 1. Is this what I need most? To avoid Christmas burnout, check in with your needs before saying yes. Does that social engagement provide connection opportunities that you are needing? Or do you have enough and need a break? 2. Will this help fill my self-care bucket or poke another hole in it? Running it past the five foundations list is a good rule of thumb. Even better if it's an activity that ticks more than one of the five foundations. Walking is great for this. 3. Is this something I know helps me? Remind yourself of the benefits of your normal routine, of your why. Prioritise the things you know work: keep walking, eating your veggies, journalling, meditating, talking with friends, doing your yoga, etc. Opportunities to cultivate awe through mindfulness Lean into mindfulness, which just happens to be one of the most powerful forms of self-care and takes very little time, because it is about the how of what you do, not the what. Mindfulness practices heighten your senses, and intensity your experiences, and are a gateway to awe. At Christmas mindful opportunities abound, including:
A quick reminder in any situation is to use your senses to bring you back to the moment of what is actually happening. How simplifying, reducing expectations and prioritising activities; practicing connection and engaging in fierce self-care work together to help you make a simply awesome Christmas.
By reducing demands and expectations, looking after yourself, taking the time to reflect, and mindfully being present, you are well on your way to creating an awesome Christmas that works for you and your family. Along the way you may face some difficult challenges in letting things go, saying no, setting boundaries, maintaining self-care, and getting through the season. If you would like support with any of this I am happy to help. Positive Young Minds is open up until the 22nd of December and then closed for Christmas Week. By reducing demands and expectations, looking after yourself, taking the time to reflect, and mindfully being present, you are well on your way to creating an awesome Christmas that works for you and your family." For over 17 years, I have combined research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents to help them understand and manage big emotions and create calmer homes. Homes where big feelings are understood, needs are met so that Christmas can be celebrated, not dreaded.
You are welcome to book an appointment to discuss your concerns and your goals and work with me to make the change you are looking for. Chat soon Kim PS. If you enjoyed this blog, then come over and join the Sprinkles of Wisdom for Wonderful Women Newsletter Club. You'll receive regular letters from me where I share insights, inspiration, reflections, support and do-able strategies on how you can create and integrate more calm, connection and confidence into your life without running away to Bali. A reminder this blog is for general information and advice only. It is not designed to replace therapy in any way. For some people Christmas is not just stressful, it is also traumatic. The above advice is not meant to address Christmas trauma. If you are experiencing trauma, overwhelming Christmas anxiety, depression, or any other mental health concern please see your GP, or your mental health therapist, or see if you think I may be a good fit for you .
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 Does buying Christmas presents stress you out? If you love Christmas and the hope and magic it can bring, but buying presents is a nightmare, you are not alone! Some years the list of people I thought I just had to get presents for seemed to be never ending - family, friends, work colleagues, teachers, staff, football coaches, not to mention my own children the list went on and on. Buying Christmas presents is one of the many expectations you can feel at Christmas time and one of the many stressors and tasks that can lead to Christmas overwhelm. I have 14 suggestions to help you reduce the stress and anxiety of buying gifts, including what to buy your kids, but first the two most important things to keep in mind when buying Christmas gifts are: 🌟 Experiences that contribute to our happiness. Not more stuff! 🌟The simplest way of making gifts easier is to reduce the number of gifts you buy and the number of people you give gifts too. 🌟The simplest way of making gifts easier is to reduce the number of gifts you buy and the number of people you give gifts too. There's one thing that's guaranteed to happen at Christmas... Waiting...
And what can happen when you wait? Frustration, impatience. There's so much to do, why can't everyone just hurry up or move quicker. Well no matter how much you want that to happen, it's probably not going to. So what can you do? Believe it or not, this is a great time to practice tapping into your inner calm. Here's one way to practice self-care on the go. Simply roll your shoulders up and back and take a deep breath, then repeat the breathing. Focus your attention inward to your breath instead of outwards towards what is going on around you. Yep, that's it - simple, on the go self-care that works. For over 17 years, I have combined research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents to help other women like you integrate mindfulness and prioritise self-care in their busy lives. You are welcome to book a private consultation to discuss your concerns and your goals and work with me to make the change you are looking for. Until next time, take care of YOI Kim A reminder this blog is for general information and advice only. It is not designed to replace therapy in any way. If you are experiencing any mental health concern please see your GP, or your mental health therapist, or see if you think I may be a good fit for you.  Like me, do you feel the need for a pre-Christmas sort out? It's one of the best strategies for organising your Christmas Gift list.
This is the time of the year I push myself to sort out my house and have a purge. A few years ago, I worked through the Magic of Tidying Up, and I can tell you one thing – you need to keep on top of it. My family and I have lived in the same house for over 20 years, and when you don’t move regularly there’s not that huge opportunity to cull. So, on school holidays, and particularly in November I revisit this. A couple of my aims are to clear a whole bookshelf, one clothes drawer (I have three), and digitalise a filing cabinet drawer.
Here’s some things that can be recycled (not an exhaustive list), but that you can’t put out with your recycle bin:
And paint tins! Both empty and those who some paint in them. I think we have about 20 in the shed. Note: I updated the links in this in 2023 and have only just taken these paint tins to the paint drop off centre! Take this as hope that you will get there eventually. To find out where you can recycle many of these items have a look at https://recyclingnearyou.com.au and https://www.terracycle.com/en-AU and your local council website. Happy culling Kim Updated 20th October 2023 Gift giving is a big part of Christmas. But what gift would you choose for yourself? As part of the 12 gifts of Christmas series, I asked someone what gift they wanted to give themselves, they said gratitude sounded boring. So what would you give yourself? They didn’t hesitate – self-confidence. So that is today’s gift we give to you. The gift of believing in yourself and allowing yourself to do what is important to you. Christmas can be a huge time of self-doubt and events that seem to conspire to delete our self-confidence. Personally when I see people go out to fun work events, or doing wonderful things with their family I can hear this nagging voice that says “see that, why aren’t you doing that? Why don’t you have the ability to make things that like that happen”.  Me looking sassy - I mean confident. Maybe you are lacking the confidence to have the Christmas you want to have, instead of the one that is expected from you.  At Christmas a lot of old hurts can show up. You may be catching up with people who have hurt you in the past, and whilst you have been able to practice avoiding them throughout the year, all of a sudden that is no longer possible. And then amongst other expectations at Christmas is that you ‘play nice’ on the day. Or you may be faced with reminders of fractured relationships with people who are living, but are no longer in your life. These reminders can stir up feelings of anger, blame or other negative emotions. For example ex-partners, old friends, estranged children, the list can be long. The commonality is dwelling on things that might have been, that shouldn't have been, the unfairness, the hurt. Or let's face it, you might be cross with your children, your siblings, your parents for things that have happened over the years. Hurts are not always huge, little hurts add up. And they can easily detract from creating a calm Christmas. Forgiveness is an ongoing process of letting go of the hurts and the disappointments that come with human imperfection. |
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Disclaimer* These articles are provided by Kim Ross, Psychologist for general information and education . They are not designed to be used for therapy.. If you are experiencing stress please contact your GP or mental health professional.
AuthorKim Ross is an Online Psychologist and Founder of Positive Young Minds and Private Practice Sustainability. Archives
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