How to increase your self-confidence. The 5th gift of Christmas.

Gift giving is a big part of Christmas.  But what gift would you choose for yourself?
As part of the 12 gifts of Christmas series, I asked someone what gift they wanted to give themselves, they said gratitude sounded boring.  
 
So what would you give yourself?
 
They didn’t hesitate – self-confidence.
 
So that is today’s gift we give to you.
 
The gift of believing in yourself and allowing yourself to do what is important to you.
 
Christmas can be a huge time of self-doubt and events that seem to conspire to delete our self-confidence.  Personally when I see people go out to fun work events, or doing wonderful things with their family I can hear this nagging voice that says “see that, why aren’t you doing that?  Why don’t you have the ability to make things that like that happen”.  

Me looking sassy - I mean confident.

   Maybe you are lacking the confidence to have the Christmas you want to have, instead of the one that is expected from you. ​

Maybe you are estranged from your family, too ill to create anything special at Christmas, don’t have work and struggle to find money to pay for gifts, are single and despair of finding a partner, or even more simply can’t make a gingerbread house to save your life.  

​Maybe you are lacking the confidence to have the Christmas you want to have, instead of the one that is expected from you.

Or it can be that when we catch up with certain family members of old 'friends' memories of our past mistakes and failures are brought up.
 
Christmas can magnify the areas in our life where we lack confidence. 
​
Self-confidence and comparison
Most young children believe the world revolves around them and of course whatever they do is wonderful – just think kindergarten drawings, first steps, made up stories.  
 
Then you hit school and the comparisons of your abilities, your achievements, your looks, your background, your clothes, begin – and they never stop.  And at Christmas we are never short of comparisons with what other people are doing (even if we know that what we see on social media is not the total picture).
 
When you practice a new skill, when you build up the knowledge over time that there are some things you actually do well, your confidence grows. When you receive feedback on your abilities, your looks, your achievements, or on other things that are important to you, your confidence grows.
 
But what if it doesn’t, or how do you build self-confidence? ​

   ​You cannot develop self-confidence by sitting in your room wishing and hoping.

Three tips to self-confidence.​​

1. Identify what is that you want to do.  
2. Identify what is stopping you from acting.  Is it negative thinking or a realistic skill deficit Eg “I’m worried people will laugh at me”, “I’m not good enough”, I don’t know what to “, “I don’t know how to do it”.  "I've never done it before'.
   1. If it’s negative thinking – practice noticing your negative thinking.
   2. If it’s a skill deficit – start small, and take steps to learn what you need to know.
3. Take authentic action, no matter how small.  Everyone has heard of ‘fake it until you make it’, I prefer the term ‘take authentic action’.  Do something that is important to you.

​You cannot develop self-confidence by sitting in your room wishing and hoping.  Want to build the Christmas you want, the life you want, start now..., start small..., just start....

For over 17 years, I have combined research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents to help develop calm, connection and confidence.  You are invited to book a private consultation to discuss your concerns and your goals and work with me to make the change you are looking for.

Until next time, take care of yourself.

Chat soon

Kim 
Psychologist and Founder of Positive Young Minds
*updated 20th October 2023

PS. If you enjoyed this blog, then come over and join the Sprinkles of Wisdom for Wonderful Women Newsletter Club. You'll receive regular letters from me where I share insights, inspiration, reflections, support and do-able strategies on how you can create and integrate more calm, connection and confidence into your life without running away to Bali.

A reminder this blog is for general information and advice only. It is not designed to replace therapy in any way. For some people Christmas is not just stressful, it is also traumatic. The above advice is not meant to address Christmas trauma. If you are experiencing trauma, overwhelming Christmas anxiety, depression, or any other mental health concern please see your GP, or your mental health therapist, or see if you think I may be a good fit for you .