Although I'm not a teacher I know how time consuming writing reports can be, and how much effort it takes to communicate relevant and helpful information.  
 
As a parent how much notice do you take of your child's reports?  Do you read them?  Are they useful? Do you reward your child if they get certain results?  Or express disappointment if their results aren't wonderful?  Personally I'm happy if effort and engagement are rated high.

Having children at three different schools means different report styles.  At one of the schools my child's self-ratings across a number of different learning behaviours is presented alongside his teacher's.  This provides a useful tool for self-reflection. Other reports are very sparse.
 
Regardless of the style of the report you may find the following useful to keep in mind when reading your child's school reports.

1. Do not compare one child’s results with another.
2. Celebrate when you know your child’s improvement is due to increased personal efforts, such as:
   1. Working towards a pre-set goal
   2. Increased perseverance
   3. Showing help seeking behaviour
   4. Trying different learning strategies
3. Discuss possible reasons behind teacher’s concerns or unexpected low grades.
   1. Was your child physically or mentally unwell?
   2. Were there problems with social interactions in their class?
   3. Did you child have a good relationship with this particular teacher?
   4. Is there a pattern that may reflect an underlying learning difficulty?
   5. Ask your child to reflect on why they think this has happened.
4. Use parent teacher interviews to discuss any concerns identified
5. Remind yourself and your child of their strengths and abilities that are not measured by school reports.

​
Positive Young Minds combines research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents for over 17 years to help your child experience school success, including guidance on setting up a school success schedule. You can book a private consultation to talk about your concerns, and I can help you work through a plan to address the tricky bits of your child's educational journey.

Together creating calm, connection, and confidence.

​Kim Ross
Child Psychologist, Fierce Self-Care Advocate and Founder of Positive Young Minds​

It is the time of the term for parent-teacher-student interviews.  I go to these, never quite knowing what to expect.
 
The good
One of my most lovely memories of a parent teacher student interview was when one of my children’s  teachers asked to see us so he could tell me how wonderful my child was.  He glowed when he spoke of my child and acknowledged their ability and passion.  .  Unfortunately, a year or so later that teacher died suddenly and his replacement proceeded to do nothing but tell me all the failings of my child in this subject.
 
The bad
I have found myself face to face with a teacher who has told me how badly my child has gone, yet they did not request an interview. 
 
I have had one teacher stand out as being the only negative voice about both my children, over a couple of years and in different subjects.  We stopped booking in with them.
 
The ugly
Teacher's being oblivious to the negative impact their words and actions have had on my child, to the point where in one interview my child walked out and the teacher kept on talking to me as if nothing had happened.

So why go...

1. Frequently, my child and I have benefited from the insight of teachers who acknowledge my child’s positive qualities and suggest areas for improvement.  This is helpful in developing a home and school relationship.
2. I can tell which teachers my child has a good relationship with by their body language and interest in communicating with them. 
3. Afterwards it is good to place names with faces when my child talks about their classes, or their relationships with teachers.
4. I sometimes find out good things about my children that I never would have known! 

​

1. Plan to attend and speak to as many teachers as you can.  This will help establish the relationship between home and school.
2. Ask your child if there is anything going to come up that you should know about.
3. If a teacher is being negative, ask them what they see as your child’s best qualities.
4. Ask for clarification if you do not understand what the teacher is saying.
5. Encourage your child to respond to what their teacher has said about them and their performance.
6. Debrief with your child later.  Ask them what they think about what their teacher's comments.
7. If something unexpected comes up, make a time to follow up with either the teacher, co-ordinator or other appropriate person.

Your child will spend about 13 years in the education system (not including pre school). ​Positive Young Minds combines research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents for over 17 years to help your child experience school success, including guidance on setting up a school success schedule. You can book a private consultation to talk about your concerns, and I can help you work through a plan to address the tricky bits of your child's educational journey.

Together creating calm, connection, and confidence.

​Kim Ross
Child Psychologist, Fierce Self-Care Advocate and Founder of Positive Young Minds​
 

If you value being involved in caring relationships, it is possible that you have strong character trait of love.  

However, just because we value being involved in caring relationships with others doesn't make those relationships easy or comfortable; however, it does make us committed to working on these relationships.

Types of love
Love is a character strength and can be categorised in the following way:

• Attachment love: parent for child; child for parent
• Compassionate/altruistic love: kindness
• Companionate love: friendship
• Romantic love: spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend.

There is a term missing from the above types of love - self-love.  Why is this important when relationships involve other people?  Isn't self-love self-ish?  .

In a true loving relationship we acknowledge the other person's good and bad points.  We don't necessarily like their bad points, and sometimes we actively seek to change them.  For example if your child doesn't want to help around the house you may make a plan or a contract with them and work on encouraging them to assist. Their lack of enthusiasm may frustrate you, but you still love them.  So why is this sometimes hard to apply to ourselves?

 We all have things we don't like about ourselves.  

Sometimes these things dominate our thinking.  We may think that we are a bad person or parent because we don't cook tea every night, the kids clothes aren't ironed, we are at work and not there for our children when they get home form school.  

Left unchecked these self-critical thoughts can lead to low self-esteem and depression.  

Also, if we are continually criticising ourselves as parents, how does that affect our ability to love?  To love our children and our spouse.  If you value developing caring relationships with others, self-love is crucial.

So how do you practice self-love?  

​Mindfully practicing self-love means active self-acceptance.  When we acknowledge and accept our bad points, this doesn't mean we stop working on improving ourselves.  It means we make room for the knowing that we are all imperfect and some areas of 'failings' do not diminish our birthright to love our whole self.

For over 17 years, I have combined research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents to help other women like you to integrate mindfulness and confidently prioritise self-care in their busy lives.   You are invited to book an appointment to discuss your concerns and goals and I can support you to make the changes that matter to you.

Chat soon

Kim xx

PS. If you enjoyed this blog, then come over and join the Sprinkles of Wisdom for Wonderful Women Newsletter Club. You'll receive regular letters from me where I share insights, inspiration, reflections, support and do-able strategies on how you can create and integrate more calm, connection and confidence into your life without running away to Bali.​

All these resources provide information and support either based on evidence and/or subject to continuing evaluation.  They are put forward for your interest, and I am not suggesting they be used in place of therapy.

The first resource below, Smiling Mind provides an easy and convenient way to practice mindful meditation.  MoodGym and Brave are both provide on line self-help strategies.  It looks like MoodGym is undergoing some changes and it is unclear whether it will remain free in the future.  The Brave program can be done in collaboration with your child's psychologist.  

Reach and Beyond Blue have a wide range of information on mental health in young people.  Reach has a new parent forum where you can ask questions and someone will read and respond - both other forum members and a facilitator.  

None of these are substitutes for professional support, but can be a good starting point if you have specific questions you would like answered.  

I have spoken a number of times about being BOLD and taking on new challenges.  Well, this week we had a new addition to our family.  Depending on the family member I can see Neil bringing out different strengths in all of us, including zest, teamwork, love of learning, perspective.  curiosity and appreciation of beauty and excellence.

His name is Neil and he is a guide dog.  We have taken on raising him for about the next 12 months before he is handed over (after a bit more intensive training) to his new owner.  

It is interesting to observe the comments and behaviours of my other family members.  I have heard the sentence, "if this is what it's like to have kids, I don't want any" a couple of times.  Sounds like this child may be developing a bit of perspective.

As a 'new mum' I have woken up in the middle of the night thinking - 'I have heard the dog.  I wonder if he's OK'.  Then I remember he is a dog and not a newborn I need to feed, change, console.  However, there is a similarity with the doubts about whether I am doing the right thing, and the different bits of advice you get from everyone.  Also the constant knowledge that even when he is asleep I need to be alert to his next needs.  

As puppy raisers we have someone on the end of the line we can call, we have a manual and there are scheduled training sessions, there is a puppy raiser Facebook page.  There are also five of us in the family to share the responsibility.  I can't help compare this with the limited support I had when bringing home my first baby (thank you to those who were there for me at the time - it was super appreciated).  I wasn't even part of Facebook then!

Having at least one person to support you is so important for your mental health.  It's one of the reasons Positive Young Minds exists, to be a friendly, accessible form of support.  

If you would love some help on your parenting journey, book a consultation  together we can tackle the tricky bits.

Together creating calm, connection, and confidence.

​Kim Ross
Child Psychologist, Fierce Self-Care Advocate and Founder of Positive Young Minds​

I have spoken a number of times about being BOLD and taking on new challenges.  Well, this week we had a new addition to our family.  Depending on the family member I can see Neil bringing out different strengths in all of us, including zest, teamwork, love of learning, perspective.  curiosity and appreciation of beauty and excellence.

His name is Neil and he is a guide dog.  We have taken on raising him for about the next 12 months before he is handed over (after a bit more intensive training) to his new owner.  

It is interesting to observe the comments and behaviours of my other family members.  I have heard the sentence, "if this is what it's like to have kids, I don't want any" a couple of times.  Sounds like this child may be developing a bit of perspective.

As a 'new mum' I have woken up in the middle of the night thinking - 'I have heard the dog.  I wonder if he's OK'.  Then I remember he is a dog and not a newborn I need to feed, change, console.  However, there is a similarity with the doubts about whether I am doing the right thing, and the different bits of advice you get from everyone.  Also the constant knowledge that even when he is asleep I need to be alert to his next needs.  

As puppy raisers we have someone on the end of the line we can call, we have a manual and there are scheduled training sessions, there is a puppy raiser Facebook page.  There are also five of us in the family to share the responsibility.  I can't help compare this with the limited support I had when bringing home my first baby (thank you to those who were there for me at the time - it was super appreciated).  I wasn't even part of Facebook then!

Having at least one person to support you is so important for your mental health.  It's one of the reasons Positive Young Minds exists, to be a friendly, accessible form of support.  Don't hesitate to contact me at [email protected] if you would like to connect.