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Creating Connection: Blog

The strength of love.  Why self-love isn't self-ish.

19/3/2017

 
If you value being involved in caring relationships, it is possible that you have strong character trait of love.  

However, just because we value being involved in caring relationships with others doesn't make those relationships easy or comfortable; however, it does make us committed to working on these relationships.

Types of love
Love is a character strength and can be categorised in the following way:
  • Attachment love: parent for child; child for parent
  • Compassionate/altruistic love: kindness
  • Companionate love: friendship
  • Romantic love: spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend.

There is a term missing from the above types of love - self-love.  Why is this important when relationships involve other people?  Isn't self-love self-ish?  .

In a true loving relationship we acknowledge the other person's good and bad points.  We don't necessarily like their bad points, and sometimes we actively seek to change them.  For example if your child doesn't want to help around the house you may make a plan or a contract with them and work on encouraging them to assist. Their lack of enthusiasm may frustrate you, but you still love them.  So why is this sometimes hard to apply to ourselves?
black and white photo of an infants hand in an adult male hand
  Mindfully practicing self-love means active self-acceptance.
 We all have things we don't like about ourselves.  

Sometimes these things dominate our thinking.  We may think that we are a bad person or parent because we don't cook tea every night, the kids clothes aren't ironed, we are at work and not there for our children when they get home form school.  

Left unchecked these self-critical thoughts can lead to low self-esteem and depression.  

Also, if we are continually criticising ourselves as parents, how does that affect our ability to love?  To love our children and our spouse.  If you value developing caring relationships with others, self-love is crucial.

So how do you practice self-love?  

​Mindfully practicing self-love means active self-acceptance.  When we acknowledge and accept our bad points, this doesn't mean we stop working on improving ourselves.  It means we make room for the knowing that we are all imperfect and some areas of 'failings' do not diminish our birthright to love our whole self.

For over 17 years, I have combined research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents to help other women like you to integrate mindfulness and confidently prioritise self-care in their busy lives.   You are invited to book an appointment to discuss your concerns and goals and I can support you to make the changes that matter to you.

Chat soon

Kim xx

PS. If you enjoyed this blog, then come over and join the Sprinkles of Wisdom for Wonderful Women Newsletter Club. You'll receive regular letters from me where I share insights, inspiration, reflections, support and do-able strategies on how you can create and integrate more calm, connection and confidence into your life without running away to Bali.​
Practicing Self Love.  Point One. Identify something you don't like about yourself, it might be that you yell a bit too much. Point Two. Acknowledge this part of yourself. I tend to yell more than I would like.  Third main point. Put this in perspective. I do not yell all the time. I have other, good qualities. I make time to talk to my children after school and at the dinner table. Fourth point. Take Action.  Today I will notice when I yell. I will remove myself from the room to take five deep breaths I will become aware of when and where I am yelling.


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    Disclaimer

    * These articles are provided by Kim Ross, Psychologist for general information and education .  They are not designed to be used for therapy..  If you are experiencing stress please contact your GP or mental health professional. 

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    Kim Ross is an Online Psychologist and Founder of Positive Young Minds and Private Practice Sustainability. 

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  • HOME
  • SUPPORT
    • THERAPY >
      • Telehealth Session Information
      • Session Fee Policy
    • SCHOOL ANXIETY >
      • Your Guide to Managing School Anxiety >
        • Noticing: The First Step on the NEON Pathway
        • Empathy: The Second Step on the NEON Pathway
        • Ownership: The Third Step on the NEON Pathway
        • Navigate: The Fourth Step on the NEON Pathway
      • The Centre for School Anxiety >
        • 1000 Voices Project
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        • Learning Difficulties
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