Have you ever been taken advantage of, had your trust betrayed, or got stuck in an unequal power relationship?

Trust – it’s a slippery little sucker.
 
What causes us to trust someone?
 
Do you trust people implicitly or does it take a long time to build up and develop trust that is quickly destroyed?
 
What do you trust people with – your secrets, your money, your heart, your life?
 
Trust and vulnerability are a cornerstone of connection.  
 
It starts at birth.
 
Babies trust their mothers to feed them, pick them up when they cry, cuddle them.  Responsiveness and predictability are key to attachment and connection.  
 
As a psychologist, the relationship between myself and my client is inherently trust based.
 
My clients trust that I will do the right thing by them.  That I will listen and seek to understand without judgement.  That I will value and respect their experiences, their goals, their vulnerabilities.  Within the clinic space they can let down their guards and don’t need to be strong.  They trust that I will guide them using proven methods and honour their journey.  That I will work within my expertise and the ethical and legal boundaries of the profession.  

Did you realise that 50% of ‘success’ in therapy is due to the relationship between therapist and client.  And when you think about how important trust is, this totally makes sense.  
 
Many years ago I sought out counselling through the services provided by my then work, and began seeing a therapist.  This person crossed boundary lines.  They crossed boundary lines in a number of ways.  I followed their behaviour up with a complaint, but that too was unsatisfactory.
 
This incident totally derailed the therapeutic process for me.  It destroyed the connection.  It created a mistrust of the counselling profession which I maintained for many years, and, a mistrust of my own experiences.

Why am I telling you this?
I have described an unequal power relationship which was abused by one party.  This wasn’t the first time I experienced this and it wasn’t the last.  It’s also not uncommon.

You may have experienced something similar. 
 
Here is what may help:

• Cultivate a go to person you trust – it might be a work mentor, a close friend, a sibling.
• Arm yourself with information.
• Don’t be afraid to put your hand up and ask for help or advocacy.
• Work on developing your assertiveness and confidence – particularly if people have taken advantage of you in the past.
• Know that it is OK to say no.
• Ask yourself – am I in equal and trusting relationships now?
• Work on helping your child know who to trust.  Knowing who to trust, being able to ask for help, are very valuable skills for a child to develop.  
• If something feels wrong in a session trust your gut.  You CAN leave, you have rights.  Inform your children of this right as well.  
• Keep an eye out for other people around you who you suspect may be going through a vulnerable time - maybe you can be their go to person.

 
If you are specifically looking for a mental health professional and want more information on professional and ethical conduct.: 

• Have a look at the AHPRA website https://www.ahpra.gov.au.  
• Try and see a therapist who is registered with AHPRA because they have a complaints feedback process.  

I hope this helps.  If you want to find out more about my story go to the latest podcast episode https://anchor.fm/kim-dunn/episodes/How-a-therapist-broke-my-trust---and-how-you-can-protect-yourself-against-something-similar-happening-to-you-ear293.

As always  you are welcome to email me or book an appointment on 0408533515.

Until next time, take care of yourself

​Kim