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Creating Connection: Blog

How to make moving between homes easier for children

15/5/2018

2 Comments

 
With divorce and separation common in our society it can be easy to take it for granted and fail to recognise the stress it provides for children caught in the middle.

The impact this event has on the children involved depends on many factors. These factors can include, the age of the children, how the adults speak to each other, what the adults tell the children, whether the parental split results in a less stressed home environment, the shared care arrangements, and the personality and temperament of the children. There are so many things going on at this time and often children are left to cope in their own emotional turmoil whilst the adults are battling it out.
...imagine how your child may be feeling. ... They don’t know what is going to change, what will stay the same. Where is Christmas going to be?  Who is going to come to the school concert? Can they go to a birthday party that is on when it is the other parent’s turn to have them? 
If you are a parent going through this you may be overwhelmed by all that is happening. If so, imagine how your child may be feeling. They have no control in the situation. They don’t know what is going to change, what will stay the same. Where is Christmas going to be? Who is going to come to the school concert? Can they go to a birthday party that is on when it is the other parent’s turn to have them? 

Six ways you can you ease transition stress
  1. Provide stability wherever possible.
  2. Keep traditions.
  3. Maintain the same bedtime routine
  4. Include your child in decisions that involve them
  5. Have a transition routine.
  6. Manage your own stress
Using Mindfulness to manage your transition stress
So where does mindfulness come in? The short answer is everywhere. But let's focus on transitioning between homes. Before you first see your child when they come home from their other parent take time to check in with yourself.

How do you feel about them coming home?  Do you want to know what they did, what your ex has said about you, whether they did their homework? Have you been lonely without them? Do you wish they didn’t have to be away from you? Do you wish they didn’t have to come home? Do you wonder whether they had such a good time away from you that you can’t match the experiences your ex provided them, or do you think your ex has neglected them?

You may find you are experiencing some strong, and/or perhaps surprising thoughts and feelings. That’s normal.

When you
 spend time becoming aware of and acknowledging your own thoughts, feelings, urges etc you are better placed to manage them appropriately.  Whatever comes up for you, you may then be able to do something about.  This may be talking to a friend, journalling, practice acceptance, tweaking your child's transition routine, practicing assertive communication with your ex, examining your self-care routine.  

This aim is to reduce your tension that can occur during this transition time for your child.
This then allows your focus to be on your child.

If you would like to learn more about how mindfulness and can help you in these and other areas contact me at [email protected] or on 0408533515. 

If you are going through a separation it can be useful to take a formal course such as https://lifeworks.com.au/programs/parenting-after-separation/. Relationships Australia also have a shared care parenting plan template http://www.relationships.org.au/relationship-advice/publications/pdfs/share-the-care-parenting-plan. ​​​
2 Comments
Presley Harper link
12/5/2021 04:46:48 am

Greatt blog you have

Reply
HENDRA WIJAYA link
7/11/2024 11:33:34 pm

This article provides insightful guidance on how to make transitions between homes easier for children, especially in situations like divorce or separation. It emphasizes the importance of stability, maintaining traditions, and creating a structured transition routine. Additionally, the use of mindfulness is highlighted as a way to manage personal stress and better support the child’s emotional well-being during these transitions. Visit Us <a href ="https://jakarta.telkomuniversity.ac.id/"> Telkom University Jakarta </a>

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    Kim Ross is an Online Psychologist and Founder of Positive Young Minds and Private Practice Sustainability. 

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  • HOME
  • SUPPORT
    • THERAPY >
      • Telehealth Session Information
      • Session Fee Policy
    • SCHOOL ANXIETY >
      • Your Guide to Managing School Anxiety >
        • Noticing: The First Step on the NEON Pathway
        • Empathy: The Second Step on the NEON Pathway
        • Ownership: The Third Step on the NEON Pathway
        • Navigate: The Fourth Step on the NEON Pathway
      • The Centre for School Anxiety >
        • 1000 Voices Project
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        • Learning Difficulties
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