Is your child anxious about starting school?

Is your child anxious about starting school?

​I remember when my eldest child started school. They were was so excited.  I was anxious... Will they like it? What will their teacher be like? How can I help? Do I stay in the classroom?  The questions were endless.  We had done some orientation but it was still a bit scarey.  Together we negotiated the year.  They had a wonderful teacher.  She was strict, but clear, with us newbie parents and we felt a part of the class. 

If you're feeling some of my first day at school nerves, have a think about your first day at a new job, or walking into a new group of people.  What helps - some knowledge, preparation, confidence, a friendly smile - these will help your child too.  With just a little bit of luck, drop them off confidently with a big smile, and your confidence will transfer to your child (then meet up with the other Prep parents to express your concerns and try and find answers to your questions). 

There are three main areas to focus on as part of the going to school transition: knowledge, preparation, confidence.

There are three main areas to focus on as part of the going to school transition: knowledge, preparation, confidence.

• Allow them to wear their uniform, including shoes to get used to the different feeling.

Knowledge

• Share with your child what you know about the school, their teacher, the classroom,  go over the information you received at orientation.
• Check in with them about their understanding and clarify wherever possible.
• They may (probably will) have questions you've never considered.  How will I get to school?  Who will play with me? What time is lunchtime?  What if I get hungry? What if I need to go to the toilet?

Preparation

• Collate your answers to their questions in a personal booklet and/or a social story.
• Help your child to become familiar with the setting, routines and activities they will participate in at school. 
• These include activities such as spending time at the school when there are no students there. 
• Give your child a map of the school and go there on weekends, holidays or after school hours so that they can develop a mental visual map of their surrounds.  
• Depending on the school their playground may be available for public use.  If so, let them play in the playground and become familiar with the school.  Be aware if there are particular areas of the school they must and must not play in.  Use this knowledge to determine where you allow them to play in the playground.
• A few weeks before the start of school eating snack and lunch at the same time they will be eating them at school, from the same container.  Make sure you are familiar with rules around food, including ‘nude’ food, whether or not nuts are allowed, how long they have to eat etc.  Let them practice using their lunchbox - and check for things like whether or not they can open it.
• School uniforms can be tricky. Encourage them to wear their uniform, including shoes, to get used to the different feeling.

Confidence

• If they are worried, help them articulate their feelings and thoughts. Talk to them about what they are worried about. Explain that most people feel a bit anxious when they are starting something new.  Share a time when you felt anxious.  This helps normalise their feelings. Practice some calming strategies. 
• Talk about this and problem solve with them.  It may be helpful to write this down. 
• Share stories from when you started school.
• Help them see their anxiety as anticipation - like it feels just before going on a ride at the show.
• Ask the librarian to help you find relevant books to read to them about starting school – there are quite a few around.
• Remind them of other times they have started new activities and how they coped.
• Remind them of their strengths - whether it be friendliness, determination, cognitive ability, sense of humour, creativity etc.

Signs of excessive anxiety in your child
These may include them continually asking you the same questions; having nightmares; changes in their eating or sleeping habits or other behaviour; crying or becoming angry for no reason; regressing to previous developmental stages such as wetting the bed, sucking their thumbs; saying they don’t want to go to school; and/or showing no interest in going to school.

Nothing seems to help
If you find these strategies are not helping there are many potential causes. These include physiological causes such as hearing and eyesight problems, psychological causes an underlying anxiety disorder, undiagnosed learning difficulties, neurodevelopmental conditions, a complex home environment, and more. 

That's where professional support and guidance can help. 

Experience and research have told us much about creating school success,  Having worked with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents for over 17 years, Positive Young Minds offers private consultations where you can talk about your concerns and we can help you work through a plan to address the tricky bits of your child's educational journey.

Kim Ross
Child Psychologist, Fierce Self-Care Advocate and Founder of Positive Young Minds​
​