​I've been watching Parental Guidance on Channel Nine.  I wasn't going to, but I can't help myself. It's fascinating as parents to have a peek in to how other parents do it.  Let's face it, parenting is a bit of a competitive sport.  

Unfortunately, just like real sport you don't get a medal for competing.  There are winners and losers, and least publicly.

One thing I noticed watching Parental Guidance is that most of the children are really well behaved.  On a whole they seem neurotypical with developmentally appropriate development, some of them are very confident or smart, or attractive or all three.  In other words, they are picked to present well on TV.  And they're on TV, so that makes sense.  And the parents are articulate and curious - picked for TV.

So, by all means, enjoy this show and other parenting shows, but remember it is reality TV, not real life.  It is set up, simulated, scripted etc.

In real life, parenting can be really tough, much tougher than on TV.  .

Parenting is hard.

Often your child’s actions, difficulties, emotional challenges, success, failures, developmental progress, scholastic progress, friendships, physical appearance etc are on public display.  Out there for all to judge.  

And your responses and reactions are out there in public as well. There is always a gaggle of people waiting to give you advice, and a mountain of social media posts to compare yourself against, and books and experts to scavenge through. 

You can literally turn yourself inside out working out what type of parent you are, what else can you do, what are you doing wrong?

Let me tell you a secret,  it doesn’t matter that you don’t have a parenting style.

It doesn't matter that you can’t fit yourself into one of the categories that people love to use – helicopter parent, tiger mum, free range, disciplinarian, or any of the other myriad of categories that currently exist.  

You may need extra support, in fact I strongly encourage you to reach out for support if the bumps are too high to navigate on your own,

Get support, whether it be through parent coaching, parenting training, employing help, or asking family or friends to help out.

Ask for what you need, and  understand and really accept that asking for help does not mean you have failed.  

It's OK, in fact it is often necessary to have someone to walk beside you on your parenting journey; and it can make such a difference.

The most satisfying part of my work is hearing parents tell me how relieved they are when they realise it's OK to change expectations, it’s OK to accept and embrace their child’s differences, and that when they look at their child’s behaviour with a different perspective things can start to shift. 

Knowing yourself, knowing your child, tuning in and understanding your emotions and your feelings this creates a sound base on which to work on your relationship and continue to support your child as best they can to manage all the tricky feelings, changes, and challenges they are experiencing.   ​

If you practice this mindful response to parenting, and respect what both you and your child need, you will develop your unique style and connection. 

Chat soon

Kim 

Are you looking for help with your mental health over Christmas?  Not everyone and everything is shut.  Contrary to what you read in the press, not all psychologists have waiting lists, or long waits.  You may need to be flexible to access private mental health care particularly in terms of times of appointments, but I encourage you not to give up before you begin your search for support.

Not all psychologists have waiting lists
There has been a lot written and spoken about recently in terms of a shortage of psychologists and a corresponding shortage of mental health support. I acknowledge that accessing private psychologists is only one part of the mental health industry, albeit an important one, and there are many other professionals providing counselling in the mental health industry – e.g. accredited mental health nurses and social workers and counsellors. However, this current article focuses on private psychology services only.  
 
Yes it can be difficult accessing psychologists, but it is just not true that all psychologists have big waiting lists and you can’t see anyone for six months. I have personally fielded a number of phone calls from anxious clients who believe they are facing enormous waits, and I can tell them that I don't run waiting lists and have availability within the next few weeks. 
 
Why do some psychologists have vacancies?
Many psychologists choose not to keep waiting lists and therefore vacancies occur with regularity as clients finish treatment. Vacancies occur due to a wide variety of reasons including clinics expanding their personnel or hours, a change in treatment modality e.g. a focus on brief therapy, and new psychologists entering the system. There also tend to be more vacancies available in the middle of the day. 
 
The availability of vacancies is a fluid situation, however, it can be difficult for potential clients, for other psychologists, and for referring bodies, to know where they can find psychologists who have vacancies. This article is the first in what I hope to be a regular update on private psychologists who have vacancies for telehealth. 
 
The following list clinics and clinicians were gathered in less than two days.  All have immediate availability (within the next two weeks) to see clients who have a valid Medicare referral. The cost of appointments will vary. If you contact any of the clinics listed below and there are no vacancies, please let me know as soon as possible.  
 
The information listed has been provided by the psychologist or clinic owner. Where made available, information on the age of clients seen, and areas of major interest by the psychologist, have been noted. The author of this article takes no responsibility as to the information provided.  All responsibility is on you as the reader to explore the information and make your decision as to whether you wish to make a booking or referral. 
 
Clinics and clinicians with immediate availability for telehealth appointments for clients with a valid Medicare referral.
 
Positive Young Minds 
Ages: children and adolescents from 7 - 16 years.
Focus on mindfulness and positive psychology strategies.
www.positiveyoungminds.com.au.
Closed between 20th December 2021 and the 9th January 2022.

Sparrow Psychology
Psychologist Christina Qin
www.psychologytoday.com/au/counselling-qin-riverton-wa/889754
Ages: 18+
Speaks Mandarin and provides support to people with multicultural backgrounds.
Closed between 24 Dec 2021 to 2 Jan 2022
 
Dr Rachel Abramson
http://www.rachel-abramson-and-associates.com.au/.
Adults and Older Adults
Presentations: Anxiety and anxiety related concerns.
Closed public holidays
 
Access Health Online
www.accesshealthonline.com.au
Bulk billed psychology via video telehealth.
Broad range of presentations
Ages: 12 up
​Closed public holidays only

Elisegirdhampsychology
https://www.elisegirdhampsychology.com/
Closed 23rd December to 4th January 2022
 
Joie Life
http://www.joielife.com.au/.
anxiety and depression relating to work/burnout
Adults
Closed 24th December to 7th January 2022
 
Connie Reed
http://www.conniereedpsych.com.au/.
Ages: Children, adolescents, parenting, families and couples
Relationships, transitions, academic and cognitive testing. 
Closed between Christmas and New Year
 
Your Space Psychology
https://www.yourspacepsychology.online/.
Anxiety, depression, substance use and criminal justice. 
Age: Adults and late teenagers
Closed 24-26th December, 31 December, and New Years Day
 
Neelab Omar (female)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/counselling/neelab-omar-north-richmond-nsw/468480
Presentations: mood disorders, anxiety disorders, BPD, victims of narcissist abuse. 
Ages: Adults
Closed from Christmas to New Year
 
Lara Patterson
http://www.larapatterson.com/.
Ages; Adults
Presentations: Perinatal mental health & parenting. 
Closed for public holidays
 
Synergy Family Psychology
https://synergyfamilypsychology.com.au/.
Presenting issues include mental health, parenting, separation, trauma, and couples therapy.
Ages: 5+
Closed from Christmas to New Year
 
Eucalytpus Psychology
https://eucalyptuspsychology.com.au/our-team/.
Ages: 6-10 year olds and 16 years old and over. 
Closed from 24/12/21 to 9/1/22
 
Love Work Play Psychology
https://loveworkplaypsychology.com.au 
Anxiety, depression, relationship issues, eating disorders, and borderline personality disorder
Ages: 16+
Closed public holidays only
 
Holistic Psychology and Counselling
http://www.holistic-psych.com.au/.
A broad range of presentations include AOD, depression, anxiety, trauma, relational issues, chronic illness, ADHD, ASD. Assessments.  Psychological fitness to work / return to work.
Ages: Adolescents (10-18yo), adults, couples,
Closed: 24-29th December

Inner Spark
https://www.innersparkpsychology.com.
Broad range of presentations including interpersonal challenges, anxiety, depression, navigating neurodiversity, anger management, work related difficulties and school / study related difficulties.
Ages; Adolescents (their families) and individual adults
Closed from the 24th December to 10th January

Nova Psychology
http://novapsychology.com.au/.
Diverse range of presentations including ADHD and ASD. 
Ages: 10+
Closed 23/12 to 6/1/22
 
Awake Psychology
https://www.awakepsychology.com.au/.
A broad range of presentations including anxiety, depression, ADHD, trauma, substance dependence, sleep difficulties, adjustment disorders, interpersonal difficulties, and issues pertaining to health psychology
Ages: 6+
Closed from the 23/12 to 3/1/22.
 
The Tara Clinic
https://www.thetaraclinic.com.
TARA is an acronym for Therapeutic Addiction Recovery Assistance, supports adults who are struggling with drug and alcohol use and addiction
Ages: adults
Closed on public holidays.  Limited availability from 22/12 to 4/1/22.
 
New Life Counselling and Psychology
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100054625051768&show_switched_toast=true.
Ages: 15+
Closed public holidays and between 6-11 January.

The Moodspace Psychology
www.themoodspacepsychology.com.au.
Ages: 18+
I see a broad range of presenting issues including anxiety and anxiety-related disorders, depression and mood-related disorders, PTSD, trauma, stress
Closed the Christmas and New Year public holidays only
.
I encourage you to share this information widely so that it reaches people who are looking for   appointments with a psychologist. 

Reaching out to get help is a difficult process for most people.  If you are reaching out and finding it hard to find someone who feels right, please don't give up. If the weight of Christmas expectations is getting you down you might like this article - on How to make this Christmas Easier. 

And if you need urgent help remember that private psychologist are NOT crisis support services. 
If you require immediate assistance please contact 24/7 crisis lines:
- Lifeline (13 11 14)
- Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636)
If you require emergency support please dial 000 (within Australia).


Chat soon

Kim Ross
Psychologist and Founder of Positive Young Minds and Essential Self-Care for Psychologists.
​www.positiveyoungminds.com.au. 


ps. If you are a psychologist or mental health clinician who sees clients under Medicare, you can register your interest to be included on The Availability List. 
pps.  If you are a psychologist looking for ways to take care of yourself I'd love to share with you my Five Top Strategies to Survive and Thrive as a Psychologist.
​
*updated December 7 2021.  ​

Are you struggling to keep it all together? We are going to be living with the impact of COVID-19 in one form or another for the foreseeable future. Coping with anxiety, psychological distress caused by COVID-19 is significant challenge.  And then there are the more practical challenges, like trying to keep work and home separate. Are you working out of your bedroom, or your living room, or side by side with your children at the kitchen table? Creating work-life boundaries is a key to preventing burnout, but how on earth do you keep your work and home separate in the middle of pandemic?
 
At the start of the first lockdown last year caused by COVID19 pandemic,  I decided to switch permanently to working with clients online.  Like many of your, since then I've found myself at home, with my children, a lot.  On top of managing work, there's also managing changing conditions of children's education, and everybody's mental and physical health.

I threw myself into work as a coping mechanism.  Part of this was not knowing when the lockdown was going to end and making the best of not being able to do much else.  However, this was not the healthiest option; hello COVID kilos and my mind going stale.  Something had to shift.  Now my priorities are a little different.  I rely on four key strategies: acceptance, taking control, leaning into mindfulness, and active self-care.  I use the flexibility of work-life boundaries to better balance work and everything else. Because life is still there, it just looks a little different.
 
BOUNDARIES ARE A STATE OF MIND
Boundaries have always been a state of mind.  At work you have environmental cues and barriers such as an office, a time clock, and a meeting room. However, there is more to boundaries than walls and a clock. 
 
Seepage of stress between home and life is not just about bringing work home, being on call or checking work mails after hours. For working mums in particular, it’s always been about compartmentalising thoughts, and perhaps the guilt that often comes with not being able to do two roles (mother and worker) at the same time. 
 
Home thoughts at work may include: What am I making for dinner? How is Chelsea going on childcare, I hated to leave her crying? How do I let my boss know I have an appointment next Wednesday? Do we have enough money to pay the bills? Or ruminating on an argument with your partner, a personal medical problem, or daydreaming about your holiday. 
 
At home it’s wondering when you are going to be able to finish a report. Thinking about whether you should change jobs, or why you weren’t invited out to lunch with your peers.

FOUR KEYS TO KEEPING YOUR COOL WHEN WORKING AT HOME DURING A PANDEMIC
Although creating work-life boundaries is important to prevent burnout, work and life have never fitted into neat little exclusive packages. Managing the extent and intrusion of thoughts from one role to another is the key. This involves a level of awareness, self-compassion and task attention. The myth of multi-tasking has been well and truly busted. Productivity comes from concentrating on one important thing at a time.
 
The keys to maintain work-life boundaries when working at home in a pandemic is accepting your situation, controlling what you can, practicing mindfulness, and active self-care.  
 
1. ACCEPT YOUR SITUATION
Accept that it is generally impossible to ideally separate work from life in these current circumstances.

• Adjust expectations.  Accept that household members will intrude on your work time and space. (I know I’m not the only one to have a child open the door when on a work call.) When they do, unless it’s a dire emergency, keep the interaction as brief as possible and let them know when you will be available. 
• Accept delaying some of your bigger work projects. Or particular household tasks and chores being done to a lesser standard.

 
2. CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN
Identify what you can control  and what you can't control.

• Break up your day and plan when you’re going to work and not work. 
• Give everyone notice about what you’re doing.  Remind them when you will be available.
• When working remove yourself away from the rest of the home activity as best you can.
• Work in short bursts, and alternate where you give your attention.
• Don’t plan to work at times of peak household needs.
• Don’t expect to have uninterrupted chunks of 7-8 hours. Divide your work tasks into smaller chunks.
•  Work at times that suit you best.  For me, this is frequently early morning before my children are awake.  
• Increase work productivity habits.  Getting control over non-productive administration tasks is key.
• Set limits with your workplace around contactable hours.  Just because you can be flexible with your time does NOT mean you need to be available all hours of the day. 
• Develop transition routines that signal the start and end of work times and the end of work day.  This can be environmental, symbolic or a simple phrase.  One such transition may look like this: “It is now time to leave work for now and live the rest of my life”, accompanied by three deep breaths and then changing your clothes.

 
3. PRACTICE MINDFULNESS
Cultivate a mindfulness mindset  

• Whether you are doing work tasks or life tasks be fully present  
• Strategies such as using the Pomodoro method, whereby you choose one task and just do that for 25 minutes, can be helpful in controlling productivity that is lost in admin tasks such as frequently checking emails, or other habits such as browsing social media.  
• Practice tuning into what is actually happening rather than what you need to do next and what you haven’t done
• Mindfully manage emotions around interruptions.  Keeping calm will allow you to more quickly refocus on your work tasks 
• Be aware of the changing relationship between your child’s needs v work needs and adjust according. Sometimes taking leave from work or reducing hours temporarily may be necessary. Maybe there’s people you can ask for help. Something you can outsource.

 
4. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
You matter..

• You are doing your best.  In the midst of managing the complexity of work-life boundaries, taking time to care for you is hugely important. Keeping a healthy mind and body will assist in maintaining control and productivity. The loss of daily incidental exercise means planned and intentional movement is required. This can be walking (with a mask as required), dancing, online classes.  It’s easy to keep putting this off (hello COVID kilos from first few lockdowns).  Intentional movement requires some self-discipline and commitment. Support for this can include a pedometer, an accountability partner, having small goals.  
• Practicing self-compassion is also helpful, particularly in removing the guilt that often accompanies the feeling of juggling many things and not being able to do them the way you want.
• Maintaining connections with others. When you aren’t physically seeing colleagues, going into work, chatting to your train buddies or engaging in many of the incidental contact we take for granted, intentional connection is necessary.  This can be in the form of a business buddy, zoom meetings (yeah, I know I think we’re all over this), messages of encouragement throughout the day.  You can also practice micro connections when out walking. This includes behaviours such as smiling, nodding, saying g’day, and waving.
• Use coping strategies to actively manage any anxiety and fear of the COVID19 pandemic. 

IN CONCULSION
Working from home was sold as the dream. Flexibility, working in your pyjamas, being able to go out for coffee. A dream. However, the reality of working from home, in a pandemic, during lockdown is no-one’s idea of a dream. Maintaining a distinction from work and life is hard, particularly when you don’t have a she shed and your children are remote learning.
 
Accepting your situation, controlling what you can, practicing mindfulness and engaging in active self-care, are keys to maintaining your work-life boundaries . 
 
Doing all these things is not going to magically change working from home back into a dream, but it can make working from home during a pandemic less stressful. 

What are some of your best working from home tips?

Thank you for reading.  If you have found this article useful, please share with someone who it might help.  

Until next time, take care of yourself.


Kim Ross (Dunn)
Psychologist | Fierce Self-Care Advocate.

ps If you need some fierce self-care join our Mindful Wellbeing Community and get helpful tips and support direct to your inbox.

Are you struggling with keeping your work and home life separate and preventing burnout? I share my top 9 strategies to help you create strong workplace boundaries to help maximise work-life balance and prevent burnout.  

You face numerous stressors as a psychologist. These include administration overload, isolation, compassion fatigue, Imposter Syndrome, dealing with grey ethical issues and workplace bullying. However, you can minimise the risk of burnout and create a sustainable, thriving career using an intentional self-care approach. One powerful self-care strategy is having clear work-life boundaries. Staying in control of your work-life balance and protecting your time, energy and values is an ongoing process. The following strategies can help you create boundaries to maximise your work-life effectiveness and prevent occupational burnout. 

1. Identify what matters most to you
2. Identify recurring stressors
3. Clarify role expectations
4. Set realistic expectations of your time and energy
5. Make Imposter Syndrome your best business buddy
6. Own your diary
7. Have clear work policies and procedures
8. Establish a work-life transition process
9. The five allies you need to defend your boundaries

9 Strategies to help you confidently create your work-life boundaries.
Strengthening work-life boundaries requires you to take a mindful approach.  The 9 strategies below challenge you to examine your current situation and take practical steps. Let's get started.
 
1. Identify what matters most to you
Finding the confidence to set and protect your boundaries is difficult, particularly for early career psychologists.  Certain boundaries in a work setting are clear.  These include legal, professional and some ethical boundaries. Other boundaries are more flexible and negotiable. Where you choose to place these boundaries is influenced by your needs, beliefs, resources, and intentions
 
After you consider legal and ethical requirements that come with being a psychologist, it’s time to consider your values. As a professional you have many decisions, including who you work with, what you charge, when you work, what modality you use, what resources you buy, how you want to work.  ​

• Are you clear about your values? 
• Does how you currently work reflect what is important to you? 

Too much incongruence between your values and those of your workplace will create a situation where your boundaries feel under constant attack. 
 
If you’re not clear about your boundaries, spending time reflecting on your value is an important step.

​2. Identify recurring stressors
Make time for regular reflection and bring awareness to your current work situation.
 
How do you feel when you: 

• Sit down to write a report or a doctor's letter?
• Receive a notification or a ping on your phone? 
• Open emails?
• Have a client cancel at the last minute?
• Are seeing a client with an unfamiliar presentation?
• Have someone tell you they can’t afford your fees?
• Receive a phone call, email or text from a particular client or particular organization?
• Take a client history and realise their risk factor is high?

 
The above are some potential areas of recurring stressors that contribute to workplace burnout AND opportunities or threats to your boundaries. Identifying recurring stressors are a good place to stop and think about your boundaries.

• What have I set up to deal with this situation? 
• What matters to me in this situation?
• Is this situation violating a boundary I have in place but aren’t protecting?
• How can I stop this situation sucking up my time and energy?  

3. Clarify role expectations
It’s clear from my conversations with other psychologists that role expectations vary, often dramatically, between workplaces.  And the lines between being a subcontractor or employee can be blurred.  One clinician stated that at "My other clinic I feel confused by, in terms of am I an employee or a contractor. It feels quite grey, rather than black and white, which leaves me at times confused as to accountability and responsibility and who is managing the risk". 

Legal advice on whether you are an employee or a subcontractor is recommended.  And then this helps the next step, of fully clarifying your contract details.  Read your contract and position description. Write down your interpretation of what the contract means. Check your interpretation with your employers understanding. Work through ambiguities.  If you are employed, check it with any relevant legislation including workspace, and think about asking a lawyer to check through it as well.  
 
Areas to ensure you understand include who is responsible for areas such as

• Covering when reception is at break
• Compulsory attendance at meetings
• Following up when clients don’t attend sessions
• Talking with clients outside of sessions
• Marketing
• Sending doctor’s letter and reports
• Rescheduling client appointments

 
Outside of work, do people in your life understand what you do?

• Do the people in your life understand what your role as a psychologist means? 
• Do they know what is your work and non-work time?  For me, working from home without a formalised work day means I sometimes need to protect my work time from friends and family who want to catch up during the week.
• And if you are a solo psychologist, do you need to do all the roles? Can you outsource anything? Accounts? Marketing? Virtual administration? If not now, when? 

 
4. Set realistic expectations of your time and energy
Remember that drive to impress when starting out? The need to do more to quiet you inner Imposter Syndrome?  It’s not sustainable. Do you want to be working these hours, taking on these responsibilities in two years’ time? If you don’t, stop setting up unsustainable expectations.
​
Whilst flexible boundaries are important in helping you adjust to the changing demands that are part of managing the ebb and flow that is work-life balance, there comes a tipping point. This occurs when your mindful decision to do more, to bring work home, to talk about work at home, becomes less of a choice and more of a reflection of a loss of control about keeping work-life separate. This seepage is an indicator that you are slipping towards overwhelm and burnout. 
​
Think about your current individual situation. 

• What are your personal resources, demands, physical and mental health? 
• How much do you have to give to work? How many clients do you want to see? How many do you need to see for financial reasons? Do the fees you charge allow this happen?
• Do a client audit.  How does that fit with the number of clients you ideally want to see?
• How long does a letter or report take you to write?
• How do you know when you finish a report? 
• How much unpaid time do you spend between sessions talking to clients, contacting clients or planning client sessions?

Looking at the above, where can you set boundaries around unpaid for time and unproductive tasks?  
 
The digital time black hole
The time spent reading, organising and responding to emails is estimated to take hours each day It is a big productivity drain. If you want to check for yourself you can track your time and see for yourself how much time and energy you take with this task.  
 
Digital time drains include engaging in tasks such as responding to emails / phones and texts from your workplace and/or clients outside of hours.

• Do you have a separate work and home number/phone?
• Do you have emails on your phone?
• What is your system for managing emails?
• Do you respond to calls/texts/emails from clients? Or do you wait for session time?

 
If the digital world is overwhelming, a regular digital declutter can help. 

5. Make Imposter Syndrome your best business buddy 
The imposter is that pesky voice in your head that tells you that you aren’t good enough, you don’t know enough, you can’t do that, even when there is plenty of evidence to the contrary
 
When that pesky voice is driving you to do more, to be more, this has a direct impact on your time and energy levels.  It can mean putting your hand up to do things that aren’t your responsibility to prove something to yourself and others.  It can mean putting in extra hours so you know just what to say and do in the next session with a particular client.  
 
You can flip this though.  When Imposter Syndrome is reframed to be the quiet voice of questioning and curiosity it can be your best business buddy. 
 
Sit down and listen to it and let it guide you into doing a reality check. 

• What are your areas of stress and overwhelm. 
• What are your strengths, talents?
• What are your obstacles, are they real? 
• What do you know and not know?
• What do you need? Is it actually more knowledge and experience, or is it a tightening of boundaries? 

 
As a bonus, the Imposter Syndrome can help test out the congruence of your workplace setting as well as strengthen your interpersonal boundaries.  Identifying people you trust can result in lowering your boundaries in some areas and lifting them in others. 

• If you are fearful of being found out as a fraud, who do you trust to talk to? 
• Who can sit with your vulnerabilities without judgement? 
• How do you feel in your workplace when you make a mistake or don’t know something?  

 
6. Own your diary
You are a limited resource. No matter how hard you work, there is still only 24 hours in a day. 
 
Use your diary as a tool.  Mark in your self-care time, and any other time that is important to you. Mark in your holidays. Don't let admin fill your diary out until the end of the year without breaks. Do that client audit and work out how many client hours you are doing a week. Is this sustainable? During times of crisis many psychologists report a need to ‘step up’ and do more for their community. Whilst this may be sustainable in the short term, it can create a chronic lack of control over work-life imbalance leading into burnout.

• What gets in the way of your personal diary?
• How do you manage client reschedules and cancellations?
• How do you manage client/workplace requests for appointments outside your agreed upon hours?
• What happens when you are ill, or your child has as a special event on? 

8. Establish a work-life transition process
Having a mindful routine that helps delineate work from home is helpful in letting your mind know that work is done for the day. Being able to rest from work demands is essential in maintaining control of your work-life balance. Some strategies include:

• Environmental Cues – having a separate space for work and home activities. Turning off the computer when you are finished. Changing work phones. Turning on your voice mail. Changing your clothes or earrings. Playing a particular song or piece of music. 
• Routine. Going for a walk/gym/dance/yoga etc at the end of your work day. Making a special snack or a cup of tea. Journaling about your day, writing down your to do list for tomorrow, or a list of what you have accomplished today. If you are transitioning physically between home and work perhaps there’s some music, or a podcast you regularly listen to. Perhaps you touch a special bush or tree in your front garden where you leave all your concerns before opening your front door. Maybe it’s taking three deep breaths before leaving your car. Choose something meaningful and easy for you. 
• Mantras. The variations on this are endless. For example, using a Mantra such as “today I have made a difference when I could in the lives of my clients. Now it is time for me to rest and entrust them to their own resources”. Or, “today I did my best to embody a caring, compassionate psychologist. Now it’s time to rest so tomorrow my best most caring compassionate psychologist self can show up again”
• Visualisation. This may involve visualising putting all the concerns and worries you are left with at the end of the day in a velvet lined box, locking it up and putting it in a safe for you to get out when you next work. 

 
Do you have a favourite transition strategy?

CONCLUSION
Maintaining control of your work-life boundaries to avoid slipping into overwhelm and burnout takes effort.  It means getting intentional about your self-care.  The encroaching of work demands into your personal time, energy and what you hold important ranges from very clear breaching through activities such as workplace bullying and exploitation, to more insidious and subtle practices.  Without a preventative and proactive self-care approach you are placing yourself at risk.  Creating clear boundaries is one of the key self-care strategies.  Use the questions and reflections in this article as a guide to help you prevent occupational burnout and improve work-life harmony.
 
OVER TO YOU
I’d love to hear your experience of work boundaries and burnout.  Is it the digital time suck, the weight of Imposter Syndrome, or the exhaustion of trying to work out the essential from the non essential administration tasks?  Or something else?

​If you found this article useful please share.  

Until next time, take care of yourself

Chat soon

Kim
ps If you are ready for some self-care support I'd love to help as you honour your own needs and turn up as your best self for your clients without sacrificing your health and wellbeing, I'd love to help. 

Are you loving and thriving in your work as a psychologist at the moment? Or are you struggling and feel like you're moving through quicksand? Or maybe somewhere in between? 
 
Wherever you are, that's OK. 
 
I know that prioritising yourself, making hard decisions around self-care and saying NO can be difficult.  Particularly now where there is a continuing increase in demand for mental health services as people struggle with the ongoing impact of COVID19.  

You want to be of service.  You need clients and you need to work.  

However, you also need a sustainable business.  Squeezing in an occasional extra client or going without a lunch break once in a blue moon happens for many reasons.   Doing this on a regular basis starts to add up.  

Without appropriate counterbalances, work overload often catches up with people in the end. And then the overwhelming exhaustion, cynicism and poor productivity impacts on you, your clients and the profession. 
 
You can come back from this, people do. But recovery time is not measured in days or weeks, it is sometimes measured in years. Depending on the source of burnout, it can be exhibited in leaving employment, career change, early retirement, retraining, and/or withdrawal from direct client services. 

When you look at it like this, do you really NOT have enough time for self-care?
 
What makes taking care of yourself difficult?
There are many factors involved in making  prioritising self-care difficult. 

• Imposter Syndrome
• Compassion
• Overt and covert pressure
• Workplace culture
• Financial considerations
• Lack of clear policy and procedures
• Guilt
• Unclear boundaries (In the Essential Self-Care for Psychologists course, the module on boundaries is definitely my favourite one - wish I'd understood all this when I first graduated). 
• You're already burnt out.

However, the reason most people give for not engaging in self-care is that they "ran out of time" or  "I didn't have enough time".

Hmmm....

Yep, no....  that's not it.

Here are four real reasons why you say you don’t have enough time.  

1.     Your current values and priorities don’t allow this task to fit.  Life can become full of anything you choose.  Work, study, children, children’s activities, gym, coffee dates, meetings, etc etc.  There is no shortage of things you can do.   

Hard question alert.
Q: Is what you are currently doing congruent with what is most important to you? 
 
2.     You're worried about looking stupid.  It takes commitment to change your habits so that looking after yourself comes first.  What about if you try this change and it doesn’t work out?  Then you've wasted your limited time and resources.  Your thoughts can also include self-chastisement in that you should already know how to look after myself.

3.     You've bought into the busyness myth .  
In a world where being busy is seen to be a badge of honour, “I’m just too busy.  I don’t have enough time” has become a default.  It’s easier than saying ”I know I should do that, but I actually don’t want to/it’s too hard for me at the moment/I don’t like it/I’m ignoring all things people at the moment/etc” 

How about trying to be super honest (at least with yourself) about what you really want to say.   
Here are some alternatives

• I have other things that are more important to me at the moment. 
• I can do that in a couple of weeks. 
• As much as I love that opportunity, I have enough on my plate at the moment. 
• Thank you for thinking of me, but it's not something I want to feed into my life at the moment. 
• I’m currently prioritizing other things.
• I’m not interested in doing that.
• I currently don't have room for more clients (you really do need that admin day)

 
4.     You don’t love yourself enough. 
​This can be hard to hear.  

Whether it is because you are putting your needs last out of habit, or, you genuinely believe you are not as deserving as others.
 
If you find yourself saying, Oh, I don't have time to sit and meditate for five minutes, I'll just take 10 minutes for lunch time because I have a report to write, I don't have time to prepare a healthy meal. I don't have time to go for a walk. I don't have time to journal. I don't have time to X, whatever it is. If these are common responses to decisions you are making, firstly look at the three points above, but then look at what you are saying about your relationship with yourself. 
 
You are worth it. Okay. You need it. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to your family.  You owe it to your clients.
 
What you can do about reducing your busyness.
 You ARE a limited resource.  No matter how hard you work, there is still only 24 hours in a day.  
 
Shifting your boundary fences to extend your clinic hours, adding on a new extra- curricular activity for your child, taking on extra clients, volunteering, pushing through…..can be a slippery slope to burnout. 
 
I've been there, I've said yes to doing more and more because my clients needed it. When what I needed was to say NO and spend more time with my young family. 
 
Another hard question alert
 Q: What do you need to say NO to?
 
What next?
When you investigate what's behind your claim of “I don't have enough time”, it can be confronting.  However, it's a great place to start.  

You HAVE to look at your priorities and values.
 
And if you don't, if you just keep saying it and not change anything, nothing's going to change. 
 
You might find that you start to feel resentful and neglected.  As the demands pile on and you are not taking care of yourself, you may start to hate your life, crave for things that just aren't there.  Burnout may start to creep up on you.  
 
So, take “I don't have enough time” as your cue to dig deeper, examine your beliefs, your priorities, to engage in honest communication, and to work on removing those barriers that stand between you and your self-care. 

There is no doubt that some seasons of your life, some days, are much harder than others.  Knowing what self-care you need and how to integrate it into your daily life can make the world of difference to you,

You're worth it.

Chat soon

Kim 

ps If would love to have some support in making self-care an essential part of your career, I'd love to help. 

 I had my first dose of the AstraZeneca vaccination yesterday.
 
I understand why some people will not be vaccinated and for others why it’s such a difficult decision to make.
 
Reading social media, or even print media, you could be excused that it’s as simple as taking sides.  Vaccinations are good, vaccinations are bad.

But life is never really as simple as we would like it to be.  
 
When my first child was due to have their vaccinations as a baby I seriously did not know what to do.  Although the vaccinations they were having were well established, there was a small risk associated with them.  There were also very loud voices of anti-vaxxers, particularly with regard to the believe that Autism was related to having vaccines.  

Your brain is designed to keep you alive, to protect you from danger.  When there is a threat, or a perceived threat, your mind evaluates the threat and if deemed necessary it switches to a stress response – usually described as fight, flight or freeze.
 
Being an anxious first time mum, my brain went into evaluation stage.  I read everything I could, spoke to all the experts I knew and made a decision.  I went ahead with the vaccinations, but spaced the viral load out.  I split the vaccines instead of having my children receive them all at once.
 
Currently, most of us can recite what threats having a COVID-19 vaccination poses.  For me with the AstraZeneca it is dying from a clot.  And even though the scientific evidence states that the risk is something like 1 in 800,000 (less than the contraceptive pill, and I survived being on that) the side of my brain that wants to keep me safe says”

• Why would you inject something foreign into yourself that could kill you?
• What happens if you get sick from the vaccination?  You would feel really stupid (and we all hate to feel stupid)
• I don't like needles.  What if it hurts?
• It’s unproven.  What if there’s side effects that aren’t known yet?  There is a history of side effects from medicine and things we were sold as being good for us – Thalidomide anyone??

 
Because you cannot deny that this vaccination is something new.  It feels rushed.  Because no other vaccine has undergone so much public scrutiny you read about all the problems that have occurred in clinical trials.  
 
All of these factors combine to create fear and doubt.

• The rational mind balances the other facts.  
  Although low morbidity in Australia COVID-19 can and does kill and create long term unknown complications.
• I do not want to be get sick from COVID-19.
• I want to protect others around me the best I can.
  
  

Note that my rational mind does NOT clearly state – trust the Government or trust the science.

Governments and science get it wrong, frequently.  
 
For me, the decision to have a vaccination is based on protecting others around me the best I can.  

Being over 50 the AstraZeneca was the vaccination that I was booked in for.

Having had it, I still would have preferred to have the Pfizer vaccination which has less known side effects.  Side effects can appear between day 4-20, so my kind, anxious brain will be watching me like a hawk for the next three weeks. 
 
In America one in 600 people have died from COVID-19.  
 
We have been relative fortunate in Australia, but we don’t know what the next variation will bring.  And if possible I do not want to contribute to passing this disease to my children, my family and friends or my clients.
 
So, I rolled the dice and rolled up my sleeve.


Let’s see what happens next.

 I have a question for you.

"How are you feeling right now?"
 
Many people have no idea, or provide an automatic response like, "I'm feeling good, I'm fine."  
 
If you have difficulties with knowing how you feel, you are not alone.  

​There are many reasons why you may not be able to easily identify what you are feeling - including the fact that many people who ask you how you are feeling, don't really care!  It's just a societal nicety to get out of the way.  

But knowing how you are feeling IS important.  

Combined with knowing what you are thinking and identifying what your body is experiencing, it's one of the key ways you make sense of the world around you.  This awareness is a part of living a more mindful life and  taking responsibility for your overall self-care.  

​Below are five habits or behaviours that might be getting in the way for you understanding what you are feeling.  Note, I do not discuss trauma in this article, or anxiety and other mental health conditions that can cause difficulties in accessing emotions.  The five habits discussed are behaviours and habits that everyone can fall into with realising it.  
 
5 feelings habits or behaviours
The first is DISTRACTION. There are so many things that distract us and take us out of ourselves on a day-to-day basis, not the least being, the 24 hour digital world we live in.  Whether it be social media, watching YouTube videos, Netflix or Foxtel, there's so much you can tune into any second of the day and never have to be alone with yourself, your thoughts and your feelings.  Distraction is a huge blockage that can get in the way of knowing how you really feel.
 
Did you know that the statistics around how often people pick up their phone is amazing.  It’s about once every five or 10 minutes. And the number of people who, the first thing they do in the morning is not check in with themselves, but check in with what random people are doing on Facebook or Instagram.  Hands up if you can relate to either of these things.  I know I definitely get hooked into this from time to time.

The next three obstacles I’m grouping together and calling them REASONS.  This covers justification, blame and shame.  In these situations you can identify what you are feeling but you are stepping into your logical mind instead of allowing yourself the experience.  

In JUSTIFICATION you are explaining your feelings.  For example.  “Oh, I'm feeling pretty tired, but I didn't sleep real well. And you know, maybe if I've gone to bed early or I wouldn't feel quite so tired” or “I'm feeling okay today, but you know, I had time to myself and I was able to go for a walk and unlike other days where I don't get that sort of time”. 
 
BLAME is when you are attributing your feelings to what someone else did.  For example, “I'm feeling really angry and it's your fault because you cut me off” or “it's your fault because you didn't do the dishes”. “I'm feeling really frustrated because they didn't ring me when they were supposed to”. So your emotion is all about what someone else did to you. 
 
I'm not saying some of these things didn't happen and some of them might not have contributed to your frustration or your anger or your happiness or whatever you're feeling. However, allowing yourself to go down this train of thought is taking you away from what you are feeling right now and interfering with your ability to experience that emotion fully. 
 
The next reasoning obstacle is SHAME.

Journaling can help you find and connect with your authentic self.

Have you ever felt lost?
​
Like me, have you felt that somewhere along the way you took a wrong turn, veered of the path, or just became bamboozled with what life threw at you?

It can feel like a battle to create your own space in a world that is often driven by consumerism, material success and 'progress'.

However, there is a growing movement of people who know that tapping into personal and universal energy can create a sense of oneness and wholeness that transcends the artificial.

Welcome to my corner of the world, where you can find practical ways to claim your own space.

And you don’t have to claim this space in a huge way with lots of trumpets blaring.

Confidence can be found in the quiet determination and focus actively connect with and pursue what is important to you, erect your boundaries and live your calm.

When you actively move to discover what is most important to you and live a life of integrity and authenticity, you become part of the movement that is aiming to heal the world.

Now, that’s exciting.

There are many ways to actively connect and pursue what is important to you. Counselling, coaching, manifesting, prayer, meditation, visualisation, goal setting, intention setting, to name a few.

One way of reconnecting with your authentic self is through writing, or journaling. If you have never tried tapping into the thoughts and emotions inside you in this way, I encourage you to give it a go.

However, many people find there is a slight problem with this.  

Maybe you have experienced putting aside the time, sitting down to write....and then

....your mind goes blank.

You know that your mind isn't actually blank.  In fact you have 10's of 1,000s of thoughts each day.  

What is probably stopping you is not getting it right.  

Maybe you're worried about your spelling, or handwriting.  Maybe you think that what you have to say is not important.  Maybe when you were at school you were criticised for your writing.  

I encourage you to write whatever comes into your mind.  Even if it is 'I can't think of anything to write', or your shopping list, what you dreamt last night, your school memories, what you would do if you won tattslotto,  Set yourself a timer of 5 minutes and keep writing until it comes off.  

The most important thing when you first start is to create the habit of writing.
 
To help you get started, I have created a 14 day Self-Connection journal, specifically to kickstart your journaling process.
​
Your 14 day Self-Connection journal contains a carefully selected quote and complementary prompt for each day.
You can find out more about it here https://positiveyoungminds.vipmembervault.com/.../view/9.

Do you find buying Christmas presents stressful?  if you do, you are not alone!  

Whether it's buying gifts for adults, friends, relatives, work colleagues or your own children the list can seem never ending.  It's one of the many heavy expectations you can feel at Christmas time.  Below are 14 tips to help you tame that anxiety around Christmas gift shopping and reduce the stress associated with Christmas. 

The two key things to keep in mind when buying Christmas gifts:
🌟 It is experiences that contribute to our happiness. Not stuff! 
🌟The simplest way of making gifts easier is to reduce the number of gifts you buy, and the number of people you give gifts too.  
 
General Tips to reduce Christmas Present Stress

1. Make a list of everyone you feel you should buy for.
2.  Have a look at the list. Why do you feel you need to buy for this person? If it is a coach, a teacher or someone you want to thank, thank them! Either yourself or your child can thank them. Depending on the age of your child they could make a drawing or write them a letter, or write inside a home-made Christmas card. This will be something they treasure.
3. Have another look at your list. How many of the people left on the list to do you buy obligation presents for, and how many are people who are never pleased with what you buy them? Don’t turn yourself inside out trying to please them. Either strike them off your list, give them a pig (goat, chicken, fresh water) from an aid organisation such as World Vision, or buy them something inherently practical. Have a look at this website for ideas https://hereandtheremakers.com. (I can personally vouch for the produce bags.)
4. Who is left on your list? Can you remove them?
5. Can you do a Kris Kringle? There are lots of variations on this *
6. Buy everyone the same thing.  Think a beach towel, movie tickets, itune voucher
7. Remember think reduce. No-one needs more clutter and very few of us need more stuff. 
8. What experience can you give? E.g. A baby sitting voucher, movie tickets, bowling games, a cooking class, bicycle or car maintenance? 
9. Is there something you can make? E.g. Homemade granola, a pot of lavender, a mini herb garden, a chopping board. 
10. Buy from local craft markets.  
11. Buy consumables.  Homemade sauces, jams, theatre tickets etc.
12. Stick to a budget.
13. Keep the receipt.
14. Do you have friends who would be open to putting a challenge on the gift that it has to be second hand, either something you already own or bought from a charity or second hand shop?

*What is a Kris Kringle
A Kris Kringle is when each person buys a gift for just one person in a group, hence reducing excess and cost.  There are many variations.  Names can be drawn and allocated (Secret Santa) or it can be pot luck – everyone brings a gift.  If it is pot luck , here are three variations of how to distribute the gifts.

1. Put the gifts in a row.  If there are 10 gifts write the numbers 1 to 10 on pieces of paper and put them in a hat/bowl.  Everyone draws a number.  People then take turns to choose a gift depending on the number they received in the draw.  So if you drew number one, you go first.
2. The person whose turn it is has a choice of choosing a wrapped gift or taking an already opened gift from someone (pays to go last in this variation!).  ps I would only recommend this option if people are going to have fun with it, and not be upset when someone takes ‘their’ gift.  Christmas Day is not really the day to lecture people about resilience.
3. Put a number on the gift and match it up with the number drawn from the hat.

How to reduce stress when selecting children's gifts
Stress around buying children's gifts comes from a range of sources - wanting to make Christmas special; being presented with a long list of items from your children; you children not knowing what they want; your children having too much stuff (read previous email about a pre-Christmas cull); not having the money to buy what you would like; trying to make up for Christmas' where you have felt disappointed; trying to make Christmas make up for the stressful year you might have had....COVID anyone???

Or maybe you really dislike making decisions and your thinking might go something like mine does on occasion -  This is me looking at underwear - "how much cotton is in this?", "is it organic and/or sustainable cotton", "how much is it?"  "what size are they?", "what style would they like best?"  "what colour /pattern will they like?"  "do they really need them?", "if I buy them this, does that mean I need to buy the others underwear as well?", "do the others need underwear?", "but I only recently bought underwear".  Maybe I won't buy underwear, and then I leave the shop....  

To reduce stress around buying your children gifts start by:

• Identifying where your stress is coming from
• Check your expectations against reality, 
• Create some guidelines for yourself.  Think budget, number of gifts, type of gifts.  The budget is entirely up to you, but remember younger children don't care how much you spend, and older children are nearly always going to put things on the list you can't afford.  
• Remember the law of diminishing satisfaction.  The first present your children unwrap will usually give them the greatest joy. ​
• Introduce a giving practice for your children.  Eg donating a toy, or good, making a card for a neighbour.

What to buy

1. What does your child need? Very young children do not really need much at all, and if you set the tradition early that Christmas is not about how much you get, but about what you do, it won’t be such a big deal as they get older.  And don't be scared to hold gifts back, if you look at what you have bought and it looks too much.
2. Think natural and classic.  Did you know the latest classic toy introduced to the Strong National Museum of Play ....sand.  My kids loved their sand pit when they were little.   Other classic toys include sticks, balls, blankets and playing cards. 
3. Don’t buy something electronic, or if you do, don’t make it the biggest gift.  Why?  You don’t want to be the parent when the gift doesn’t work, and have to line up in JB-HiFi to replace it on Boxing Day, only to be told that they are out of stock.  I've been behind that woman, and it's not a happy moment.
4. If you are buying something with batteries, provide rechargeable batteries as part of the gift, and if possible try to test it beforehand.
5. So what do you do with all the ads on tv and the demands for the latest and greatest? Set the limit, say that Santa/or mum and dad brings three things per child – E.g. a game, a toy/sporting equipment, a book. And stick to it! You may choose to do a stocking with some practical things such as undies, socks, hankies, soaps etc

🌟 Remember the law of diminishing satisfaction.  

The first present your children unwrap will usually give them the greatest joy.  

Of course, gifts are not the only potential stress at Christmas, maybe the Christmas Tree presents a dilemma for you.  I've got that covered as well - with Three Tips to Reduce Christmas Decoration Stress.

Chat soon


Kim
Psychologist and Founder of Positive Young Minds

ps This year I am having a break from the 17th December to the 11th January.  If Christmas is causing you stress, book a time now for some support.  There are limited spots available.    

*updated 6th December 2021