If you value being involved in caring relationships, it is possible that you have strong character trait of love.  

However, just because we value being involved in caring relationships with others doesn't make those relationships easy or comfortable; however, it does make us committed to working on these relationships.

Types of love
Love is a character strength and can be categorised in the following way:

• Attachment love: parent for child; child for parent
• Compassionate/altruistic love: kindness
• Companionate love: friendship
• Romantic love: spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend.

There is a term missing from the above types of love - self-love.  Why is this important when relationships involve other people?  Isn't self-love self-ish?  .

In a true loving relationship we acknowledge the other person's good and bad points.  We don't necessarily like their bad points, and sometimes we actively seek to change them.  For example if your child doesn't want to help around the house you may make a plan or a contract with them and work on encouraging them to assist. Their lack of enthusiasm may frustrate you, but you still love them.  So why is this sometimes hard to apply to ourselves?

 We all have things we don't like about ourselves.  

Sometimes these things dominate our thinking.  We may think that we are a bad person or parent because we don't cook tea every night, the kids clothes aren't ironed, we are at work and not there for our children when they get home form school.  

Left unchecked these self-critical thoughts can lead to low self-esteem and depression.  

Also, if we are continually criticising ourselves as parents, how does that affect our ability to love?  To love our children and our spouse.  If you value developing caring relationships with others, self-love is crucial.

So how do you practice self-love?  

​Mindfully practicing self-love means active self-acceptance.  When we acknowledge and accept our bad points, this doesn't mean we stop working on improving ourselves.  It means we make room for the knowing that we are all imperfect and some areas of 'failings' do not diminish our birthright to love our whole self.

For over 17 years, I have combined research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents to help other women like you to integrate mindfulness and confidently prioritise self-care in their busy lives.   You are invited to book an appointment to discuss your concerns and goals and I can support you to make the changes that matter to you.

Chat soon

Kim xx

PS. If you enjoyed this blog, then come over and join the Sprinkles of Wisdom for Wonderful Women Newsletter Club. You'll receive regular letters from me where I share insights, inspiration, reflections, support and do-able strategies on how you can create and integrate more calm, connection and confidence into your life without running away to Bali.​

I have spoken a number of times about being BOLD and taking on new challenges.  Well, this week we had a new addition to our family.  Depending on the family member I can see Neil bringing out different strengths in all of us, including zest, teamwork, love of learning, perspective.  curiosity and appreciation of beauty and excellence.

His name is Neil and he is a guide dog.  We have taken on raising him for about the next 12 months before he is handed over (after a bit more intensive training) to his new owner.  

It is interesting to observe the comments and behaviours of my other family members.  I have heard the sentence, "if this is what it's like to have kids, I don't want any" a couple of times.  Sounds like this child may be developing a bit of perspective.

As a 'new mum' I have woken up in the middle of the night thinking - 'I have heard the dog.  I wonder if he's OK'.  Then I remember he is a dog and not a newborn I need to feed, change, console.  However, there is a similarity with the doubts about whether I am doing the right thing, and the different bits of advice you get from everyone.  Also the constant knowledge that even when he is asleep I need to be alert to his next needs.  

As puppy raisers we have someone on the end of the line we can call, we have a manual and there are scheduled training sessions, there is a puppy raiser Facebook page.  There are also five of us in the family to share the responsibility.  I can't help compare this with the limited support I had when bringing home my first baby (thank you to those who were there for me at the time - it was super appreciated).  I wasn't even part of Facebook then!

Having at least one person to support you is so important for your mental health.  It's one of the reasons Positive Young Minds exists, to be a friendly, accessible form of support.  

If you would love some help on your parenting journey, book a consultation  together we can tackle the tricky bits.

Together creating calm, connection, and confidence.

​Kim Ross
Child Psychologist, Fierce Self-Care Advocate and Founder of Positive Young Minds​

Decide on one special thing at Christmas to reduce stress and create lasting memories.
​
 Last night at 11.40pm I was writing a to do list, when I woke this morning I thought of other things to add to the list.  It is the time of the year, school finishing up, deadlines at work, Christmas and all the other day to day things that demand attention.  When we are rushing from one thing to another, how can we make Christmas a mindful time?  Remembering to be present where we are at any particular time is crucial.  What are your anxious signs.  For me awareness that there is tension in my stomach and chest and a feeling that my body needs to be elsewhere is the cue to take a moment and focus on my breathing and remind myself to give all my attention to what I am doing right at that moment.  

A tip I would like to share that helps me reduce the pressure of this time of year is to ask yourself -  What is the one special thing you love about Christmas.  Ask your family or other special people you spend Christmas with what there most favourite thing is.  Concentrate on these things.  It might be Christmas Carols, lights, trimming the tree, cooking the pudding, family gathering, finding the right gift  or something else.  

These are the traditions you create for yourself and your family and these are what you prioritise.  For my children they love Christmas lights so we make sure whatever happens they see lights.  Over the previous years I have made creating a Christmas booklet with quizzes and jokes a priority for a fun focus after Christmas lunch.  I also enjoy making Christmas cards.  This year my priority is on remaining calm at Christmas.  So if as long as people are fed and gifts are given if I remain calm and peaceful everything else is a bonus.  Wishing you a Christmas full of wonderful, special, moments with your loved ones.

For over 17 years, I have combined research and the experience of working with 1000s of children, adolescents and parents to help them understand and manage big emotions and create calmer homes.  Homes where big feelings are understood, needs are met, and relationships strengthened, so that Christmas can be celebrated, not dreaded. If you would like some more support navigating this time of the year you are welcome to book an appointment.

Chat soon

Kim
Psychologist and Founder of Positive Young Minds.
(updated 4th November 2023)

PS. If you enjoyed this blog, then come over and join the Sprinkles of Wisdom for Wonderful Women Newsletter Club. You'll receive regular letters from me where I share insights, inspiration, reflections, support and do-able strategies on how you can create and integrate more calm, connection and confidence into your life without running away to Bali.

A reminder this blog is for general information and advice only. It is not designed to replace therapy in any way. For some people Christmas is not just stressful, it is also traumatic. The above advice is not meant to address Christmas trauma. If you are experiencing trauma, overwhelming Christmas anxiety, depression, or any other mental health concern please see your GP, or your mental health therapist, or see if you think I may be a good fit for you .